Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Almost everyone struggles with this piece of vulnerability, which then leads to authenticity because of limiting beliefs, because of how certain stories have been built in our life from other people in our life, that they were passed down to us. And then we took those stories and we made them our own. And all of a sudden we're like, no, we can't show that part of us because there's no way someone can accept that.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Welcome to supernormalize, the podcast, where we challenge the conventional, break boundaries, and normalize the seemingly supernatural. Join me, CJ Barnaby, in the liminalist space to explore less charted realms of existence and to unravel the mysteries of life. Experience. Each episode, I'm blessed with the opportunity to talk to regular people from across the world, where they openly share their understanding and wisdom in service to others. If you're looking to upgrade your life, you've come to the right place. Be sure to like and subscribe, and I'll bring you great transforming conversations each week. My treasured viewers and listeners. If you have a life story or healing modality or unique knowledge that you'd love to share, reach out to me at supernormalizedroton me. Let's together embrace acceptance of the supernatural and unusual, what it really is completely normal. Today on supernormalize, we have Constantine Bogdan Moran. He is a man of many hats, but the main hat that he shows us today is his story of moving from the communist east to the canadian living situation with his parents at the age of 17, ripped away from his cultural upbringing, but for the benefit of, you know, the family, which in the end actually helped him a lot. He actually was a.
Went down a similar path. As, to me, when it came to life, he got a, uh, caught in sort of like corporate sort of, uh, treadmills of. Of life, I would say. And, uh, got to a certain point where he realized that it wasn't his authentic self to be this. And with that culminating in a, like a personal crisis of depression, um, which, um, made him even have almost suicidal thoughts. He found a way out, and this is his story today. It's great. It actually shows that there is ways to personal growth that are quite easy. And he also talks about his process, that he helps people to move on their own path in life through calm time creation. I'm sure you'll enjoy this talk, so please listen.
Welcome to supernormalized Constantine Bogdan Moran.
Constantine, you started off in a communist sort of state and moved to the west and did so to rediscover yourself.
And it's a big story arc that you've got there. So what actually made you want to move and how did all this happen?
[00:04:08] Speaker A: CJ? Well, first off, thank you for having me here for this beautiful conversation. And yeah, it was, it was a big move. I was 17 at the time and funny enough, I didn't have much of a say in it looking back because my parents made a decision to immigrate to Canada to give my brother and I a better chance with a better future.
Romania at the time when we immigrated was out of the communist era for about ten years, but a lot of the things that were prevalent before the communists fell was still there even after. Right? So a lot of corruption, a lot of you could say criminal activity in ways, right? So if you wanted to get ahead in life, you had to take certain steps, maybe were going against, you know, your integrity or your values. So my parents are like, you know what, enough of this. Lets give the boys a better chance.
And that's what brought us to Canada. And it was a pivotal moment in life because up to that point, I only lived in Romania. I traveled throughout Europe, we had family throughout Europe, but I wasn't exposed to, well, as many cultures as North America allows you to get exposed to.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Right, right. So basically, if you had to stay, your parents had to stay there. They had to pretty much been like a read in the wind and I participate in the, the awfulness. So they decided to get you out of there so you didn't have to grow up in that. And they chose Canada. And I mean, how old were you when that happened? You said you were like 1717. Wow, okay. So that would have been a big mind shift for you at the time. I mean, the age of 17, that's like a critical moment in life. I mean, how was that for you?
[00:05:46] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. It was a critical moment because at the time I had a, you know, high school sweetheart and, you know, a dog and lots of friends and of course being a teenager, right, so it comes with all of those things and it wasn't easy, I'll be honest. I was not very accepting of it for the first, probably first couple of years and, you know, then things kind of opened up a lot more. But I also imagined that of course my brother was twelve at the time, so for him it was difficult as well from, for different reasons and my parents having to leave behind everything they've known for like 40 plus years. Right. So looking back, of course everyone had a tough time, but there's like millions and millions of immigrants every year. Right? Some by choice, some not. And it's interesting to me because it, you know, when you go to new country, it offers you so much opportunity, but then if you allow too much of the old to follow along, a lot of those opportunities are missed. And that was me as well. Like, there were some things I opened up myself to, like learning the language, which I did not know before moving to Canada and also mixing in with different cultures, understanding how everything works and being open to all that there is around us. And a big shift for me that came years later was this idea of going from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, where you go from beating yourself up for making mistakes to learning from every mistakes and seeing mistakes as an opportunity to grow, not an opportunity to further beat yourself up and put yourself down.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: Okay, so you've, you're uprooted and you're in a new culture and you're forced to learn the language.
What happened to you then after, you know, you started to settle in?
[00:07:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of things that kind of happen at the same time. Meaning I used to play a lot of football or soccer back home in Romania at the time, there wasn't a whole lot in the area that we moved in in Canada. So my hobbies, which the one was a big one, had to shift as well. So I shifted more towards computers. I always had a computer growing up because my father was an engineer and a professor at the university, so he had access to those. So I'm like, you know what? I always loved doing this, so I switched to doing that, which then opened up doors to some entrepreneurial adventures with the various games I was playing, as well as deciding that I wanted to learn more at university. So I went for a computer engineering degree that then turned into a math and computer science degree, which then further opened up paths in my life, both in the corporate space, but also the entrepreneurial space.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: So you had a bit of a time in programming. Did you actually get stuck in corporate at all?
[00:08:33] Speaker A: I did, yeah, for a. For a while when I would, you know, the worst stock is interesting because for me, it wasn't at the time. I didn't realize that, you know, that's kind of what it felt like, but it was like the path to the american dream, right? Because everyone, you know, like, I had entrepreneurial adventures throughout my life, but they were looked down upon. It's like, oh, that's not a real job. Even though they were bringing in more money than most real jobs. Meaning at one point, I was playing poker professionally online and then also coaching and teaching, recording videos and content for some really big websites. And I was bringing in, you know, really good money. But then every time I would have a conversation with someone, they would never understand how I could be doing that and not just going to corporate after I got my degrees and everything else. And it was really interesting to see how I allowed external voices to essentially dictate what I should and shouldn't do. Because when things got a bit, let's call them, difficult with the poker world, because of some things that happened outside of our control, meaning the FBI coming in and seizing funds from players, and there's a whole scandal that went on. It brought uncertainty into the space. So then I allow fearing and the voice of other people to tell me, you know what, you got to go back to corporate. You got to go back and climb the ladder, because that's the safe path. That's the path to abundance. And I've been in corporate, I've had some really successful roles. Most of them I've climbed really fast into leadership, into senior sales roles. And it's been a beautiful journey because it taught me so, so much. And it also allowed me the opportunity to explore my wants and desires further in the entrepreneurial world.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: So you're working as a programmer and exploring these sort of ways of making money through corporate and did that, is that where you started to really find the challenge to your authenticity?
[00:10:33] Speaker A: That's a great question, CJ. And it's funny because my journey as a programmer went from a show programmer to then a web developer quickly to project management, organization change management and consulting. So I very quickly moved into what I always like doing, which is learn things and then share them with people and then help them find their own answers and answers to their challenges. And that meant, you know, coaching people in poker, coaching people throughout my life, but also in the corporate world.
And the authenticity piece is really interesting because I grew up in an environment where being you was actually not recommended, in fact, was frowned upon, because being you, meaning different than other people in some ways, and then similar in other ways, meant that it would put you at risk of being ridiculed or not being accepted or even, you know, in a communist country, maybe even thrown in jail or, you know, other things that were very negative. So in my growing up, not just from my caretakers, but also the society, you weren't necessarily allowed to be your authentic self. So I grew up with this idea that, you know, I need to, if I want to fit in with a group, I need to adjust based on what I think they want me to be.
So I was going through life like many other people, listening here, with the idea that, you know what? You cannot be yourself in a particular situation, because being yourself means you may not get a job, you may not be liked in the group. They may kick you out if they truly find out who you are. And that was me. And it took me quite a bit of time to realize what I was doing. And there were very few people with whom I was my true self, my authentic self, as you put it. And the more I spent time in this space working with many amazing, amazing, successful entrepreneurs and corporate people, six, seven, eight figure people that have achieved the material success, the more I realized that almost everyone struggles with this piece of vulnerability, which then leads to authenticity, because of limiting beliefs, because of how certain stories have been built in our life from other people in our life, that they were passed down to us. And then we took those stories and we made them our own. And all of a sudden we're like, no, we can't show that part of us because there's no way someone can accept that.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: Did you find any challenges to yourself with that stifling of your personal being that you wanted to be?
[00:13:07] Speaker A: Absolutely. Like, before you and I jumped live on this, we briefly chat about how we are feeling. Right? Like, how's the day going? And I shared that it's Friday, I'm happy, the sun is out. I'm always happy. Things are happening beautifully. And I'll be honest, since I've embarked on this transformational journey a few years ago, most days I have a big smile on my face, regardless of the challenges happening. So the biggest element I stifled within me was this ability to have joy, fulfillment, optimism, regardless of what happens outside of me. Because my worth and my ability to feel happiness was tied to something else or someone else. So that meant if my partner was not feeling well, well, I was also not feeling well. If I had an argument with my manager or coworker, then I would bring that into my life and then I wouldn't feel good. I would put myself down. Right? So when you're not authentic, what I'm seeing is that you're actually stifling and reducing and removing your ability to actually be truly happy, truly joyful, truly fulfilled, because everything you do in the case ties into someone else or something else outside of you. So as soon as you tie your happiness to something external of you, it will unfortunately mean that you are essentially under their control.
So if they're happy, you're happy. If they're not happy, you're not happy, which makes for a fairly miserable life because I had all the material success one would want as I climbed the corporate ladder and whatnot. I had great relationships, but because I wasn't authentic and I was stifling, I mean, I was getting in my own way by not being myself and looking at others to dictate why. Why I should be happy or why I shouldn't be happy. And I was miserable, depressed, suicidal, anxious, overwhelmed, burnt out, and it was no one else's fault. I mean, I was doing that to myself by not tapping into my own vulnerability, authenticity and just being me.
[00:15:07] Speaker B: What did it take for you to actually recognize that at that time? I mean, I went through a similar sort of process myself. I actually used to be a programmer, and I was writing AI for the distribution industry way back in the early nineties. And we were, sorry, late nineties, I should say.
We were doing it based around the idea of probability. But that's another story.
And yeah, I got to that certain point myself, and it took intervention, I would say, by spiritual beings to actually help me to actually get out because I was selling out so badly. And I didn't realize I had this undercurrent of continuous numbing depression, but I didn't know that I was in that until it actually really popped and I was like, whoa, I didn't know that that was that. And now I'm out. I can really notice the difference.
[00:15:58] Speaker A: Because I was in the same spot, right? Like, I honestly, like, people around me were depressed. I knew they were, they were accepting it, and I was like, no, no way. I'm depressed too. Now. Of course, looking back, hindsight, 2020, I'm like, yeah, man, I was in a rough spot as well, but because I was trying to help everyone else, I wasn't actually paying attention to what was going on within.
[00:16:18] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:16:19] Speaker A: So for me to answer your question, what was the turning point? Yes, it was actually around 2020, 2021, coming out of the pandemic. At the time, I was working in a role at Microsoft, so very senior role, very impactful role, but required me to work 60, 70, 80 hours a week. I was part of the team that enabled customers or clients to work from home, because when the pandemic hit, most clients were not equipped to just easily shift from in person in the office to working from home. And for me, it was a very, an amazing role because it provided fulfillment in the sense that now I was able to help people continue to make money and build their families at home. And not have, you know, be left out, right. Be left without a job and not be able to provide for their family. So there was a fulfillment element to it. And I was working really hard, and I was pushing very hard for a promotion, which I got in 2021. And, you know, chasing that promotion, chasing the shiny object outside of me, I thought that would be the answer to everything, that I was not feeling good inside. Right. It was like, oh, yeah, it's going to bring more recognition, more money, more shiny toys. It's going to make me feel better. And as you listening right now, you probably know and realize that's not where the story ends. It wasn't just rainbows and sunshine after. In fact, a few days later, when the dust settled, I felt more empty than ever before, and I was like, man, this doesn't make sense. Everyone told me that I would be happy once I reached a certain level that would be fulfilled when I reached a certain level. And you get that and you're like, no, it's not the case because everything, again, is external of you.
[00:18:02] Speaker B: That's it. That's exactly what happens. So you just, you get sort of stuck in a loop, and you keep on going with it until that loop breaks, and I. Yeah, and then change happens. So this prompted you to rewrite yourself, I would say, after that process, yeah. What happened?
[00:18:21] Speaker A: So, like. So we're looking at, like, 2021 right now. Right. So you're a high achiever, and most of your audience likely are high achievers as well. Meaning that when you run into something, you want to solve it yourself. You want to go with yourself. I'm not going. Exactly right. I'm not going to ask for help. Like, that's below me. At the same time, for me, it was like, not just it felt below me, but it felt like I don't want to burden others with my problems. I had this feeling that, you know, no one else suffers with this. I'm unique in some special way, and I know that we are all unique in some level, but in that regard, we're not very unique. Right. We all have certain feelings that if you're feeling it, you're likely not alone. But I felt very alone, and I said, okay, you know what? I realized that chasing external things was nothing what brought me happiness. So I had to, or I decided at the time to go on this journey of discovering myself. And like you mentioned, you had a bit of a spiritual intervention. Looking back, of course, this was a very spiritual thing that happened. But in 2022, I went to Ecuador for a mental health. It's the first time I took three weeks for myself and I went to Ecuador for three weeks. I've never been there, and I was going alone. I speak a bit of Spanish, but not enough to really have conversations. And in those three weeks, I had a twelve day period in which I was in the beautiful Andes mountains, 10,000ft up.
And I connected with like minded individuals that came into a small community of about 20 something people to participate in plant medicine rituals, ayahuasca, Pedro at the time. And at this point, I had never experimented with anything. Like, I've never been drunk, I've never done drugs, I've never done any of this stuff. But there was a spiritual calling within me that said, hey, you probably should go do this. And I did, and that was what opened me up. It showed me things that I didn't know possible and I couldn't explain, despite my science background, that sent me for a loop. And I'm like, man, how can that video, if science says this, but this is showing, being shown to me, like, I don't understand. So that made me very, very curious.
[00:20:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:29] Speaker A: And upon returning, it wasn't, again, all roses and butterflies and everything, because there was the reality I was in. And then let's call it the reality I was shown and they weren't matching very well yet.
[00:20:43] Speaker B: It took time to integrate that process that you went through and then did that unfold into events and changes in your life?
[00:20:52] Speaker A: Oh, massive, massive, massive, CJ. So let's actually talk about integration because it's such a crucial aspect of all of this that unfortunately, I'm seeing trends in the industry, be it coaching, be it retreats, be it anything like therapy. All of it is that everyone talks about how important the integration is, but no one actually does anything about it. It's just like, hey, you know, CJ, you've done this amazing thing. You now go integrated, and then you're left to your own devices and it's like, well, what's next? So sure enough, where this retreat for twelve days, there's like 20 something of us.
They tell us how important integration is, they give us like a one pager of a couple of things we can do and then we're sent back, right? There's no follow ups, there's no good luck. No. Right, exactly.
That's the standard in the industry.
[00:21:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:41] Speaker A: Because of that, I had, like, I kept in touch with certain people and every single one of us was struggling with the integration piece because we didn't know what to do. And I was someone that did, like, hundreds of hours of research into ayahuasca Saint Pedro. But a lot of the stuff I found back then, and I wasn't very, you know, I wasn't very aware of the integration piece at the time. I found a lot of the stuff that was talking about the pre stuff, what you do before and then what you do during, not as much about how the integration can happen, because integration is also very personal, yet it doesn't have to be done alone, which is the part that's missing for most people. So, for me, the integration, I mean, I'm obviously still integrating pieces of it, but it took me a good eight or so months in which I was at my lowest ever in terms of mental health, depression, suicidal thoughts, because, again, there was a mismatch between my reality and what I knew I wanted and could be. And in that time, in that period of, like, eight months or so, all of 2022, a lot of amazing things happened, but also a lot of dark things happened. And that opened up into me starting my own podcast at the beginning of 2023, which pulled me out of it, because it gave me something to focus on around my mission in this world or my purpose, whatever you want to call it. And from that, everything moved a lot faster, because once I aligned myself with that and I was able to create a lot of time in my life, I was able to create space for this new discovery, for more self work. Everything else opened up. And the podcast, funny enough, forced me to look myself in the mirror and say, well, am I being authentic? Like, I can't just make a show and then show up as this fake person, or not fake, but like, this other version of me, when in reality, I'm not that person. So, podcasting is how I uncovered my vulnerability and my authenticity fully.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: I would say, wow, that's a cool story. I can relate to that in some ways, too. Uh, when it came to the. For me, for podcasting, I mean, I started around about the end of 2022, and for me, I found that this was one of my ways of service to others. And. And it really helps with, again, looking at yourself, because you interview all these amazing people and hear their stories about their tipping point and their change and everything, but that changes you, too. So.
[00:24:08] Speaker A: I mean, speaking of change, right, like, one of the things that my ego perhaps didn't allow me to do as much in the. In the past, at least in the last ten years or so, is look at hiring my own coaches and mentors. I mean, I've always had coaches and mentors. When I play professional poker, I always hired the best coaches, right? When I play soccer at a high level, I always had coaches. And in the, in the corporate world, I always have mentors. But it never clued into me that I should probably invest in that area for my own personal growth and professional growth outside of my career. And it's funny, as I started interviewing people, of course, a lot of them are coaches like myself now. And I clicked with certain people, and I'm like, man, I would love to work with this person. And through the podcast, it opened up so many doors. I believe up to this point, a year and a half later, I've worked with at least ten different people that I've met through podcasting. What I'm literally paying them to help me on my journey. Some are better than others, but I've learned from every single one of them.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: That's brilliant. That's brilliant. So that sort of assists you on a new path and rebalanced your psychology, got rid of the underlying depression, and moved you into a great understanding of yourself that helped you to create calm time creation, is that right?
[00:25:22] Speaker A: Yes, pretty much. I mean, there will be a great summary to it. There's a lot more below the surface, but absolutely, absolutely, 100%.
[00:25:30] Speaker B: Well, what is calm time creation and peak performance systems? I mean, tell us all about that.
[00:25:34] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. So here's what happened. So in 2023, I started my podcast. I started in January to plan it out, and it was going to go live in May because I was turning 40 in 2023, on May 20. So I'm like, before I turn 40, I want to launch my podcast, and I want to start with a vision and an idea, and I put it on one of the matching websites to match with potential guests. And all of a sudden, I had within, like a week and a half, like hundreds of people wanted to be on the show. So, like, man, this is amazing. So I started having interviews with people, conversations like you and I are having right now.
And that got me super excited. And I was releasing two episodes a week at the beginning, well, for actually more than a year. And I got to see and learn a lot. And in that process, as I'm having conversations, of course, I'm still going through my own journey.
And I was embarking on a lot of things. I was trying a lot of things. I was seeing what makes sense to me, what doesn't make sense to me. My spiritual awakening was getting stronger and stronger, and I was transforming, right? I went from someone that was depressed and suicidal in 2022 to someone that all of a sudden seemed to have none of those issues.
[00:26:41] Speaker B: Hey everyone, I'm excited to share that you can now support the show on Patreon. Go to patreon.com supernormalized. Your contributions help me to create even more amazing content. Please check out the link below in the show notes and join our community and unlock exclusive perks. Thank you so much for your support.
[00:27:03] Speaker A: I also went from someone that was used to work 70, 80 hours a week to someone that now not only maintains the job, but gets to do a podcast and gets to take care of himself and gets to take care of his family. So people took notice of that, right? I would go on shows and I would talk about my story like I'm doing with you right now, and I would talk about it on my show. And people kept coming to me, either from my job at Microsoft or my personal life or the podcasting world, and they're like, hey, Constantine, how come you have time for all of this? How come you're doing this? Initially, I was dismissing it. I'm like, they're trying to be nice, or I'm like, I have no idea. And then it prompted me after, I don't know, the 20th time I was asked that in a span of a couple of weeks. I'm like, I need to look back and see what I've done here.
Because the same people, or some of the same people were asking me to help them because they were going through their own battles with anxiety or overwhelm or burnout or stress or depression. They're like, well, if it were for you, maybe some of those things will work for me.
And in looking at everything that I've done, my mission in life, the way I see it, is to shine my own bright light. And in shining my light bright, it inspires others and empowers others to shine their light bright. And to me, shining your light bright means that you're 100%, you are authentic, and you're just giving. You're giving yourself out of the world. Your cup is full and you're just overflowing and sharing with the world.
And I started initially to help people in that area. I'm like, okay, I'm going to help you shine your light bright. But here was the challenge that I found.
Every single person out there has some sort of challenge with time. There's not enough time in a day, not enough time in a day.
So if there's not enough time in a day, what do you do when you have to find time? You usually sacrifice the one area you probably should sacrifice the list, which is time with yourself, self care. Right. And I was no different. I had almost no time for me. Yes, I had time for distractions like Netflix and gaming, but not time to actually reflect, journal, meditate, go on a nature walk, do things like that.
[00:29:06] Speaker B: Yeah, very important.
[00:29:07] Speaker A: And I realized as I look through that, it's like, what do I help people with? Right? And I said, okay, that shining your light bright is the top. That's like the end goal, let's say. But below that, to be able to do that, you need things such as freedom of purpose, freedom of relationships, things that bring clarity to your life, like, who are you? But to be able to do that, you need some freedom of time. So that's why time creation became this thing. As what I do first is because when someone comes into my world, they are people that have had some success in life quite a bit. Some, right. Six, seven, eight figures. And they now want to do more with what they've achieved. Meaning that there's an emptiness, like I felt and you felt, or maybe there's a legacy that they want to leave behind. They want to start talking, speaking more, or doing podcasts or writing a book, but they don't have the time.
So that's why I always go back and I say, well, the one thing that if we make more of, somehow create more, find more of, then we can change everything else. So that's why we started time.
There's two ways you can I look at time. First way, CJ, is that like any other illness or challenge one has in life, you look to apply a band aid solution to reduce the symptoms, to allow you to function. And then ideally, you look for the root cause and treat the root cause and loss of time.
[00:30:36] Speaker B: Right.
[00:30:37] Speaker A: If we can call it a disease, because everyone is so busy in today's life, it's the same way. How can we find a quick band Aid solution and then look for the root cause as why time is being spent? So that's where I start. Hopefully that answers your question. We can go deeper in whichever direction it's like.
[00:30:54] Speaker B: No, that makes a lot of sense. Makes a lot of sense. And then I was going to ask you, how does psychology and neuroscience assist you in your coaching techniques when it comes to time management?
[00:31:10] Speaker A: I love the question. So I see it this way. I've always been passionate about psychology. When I was coaching poker, decades ago now, I was using a lot of this mindset and psychology techniques I was learning from various books and various studies. And things I've done on myself.
And last year I got certified in something called neuroencoding, which. Neuroencoding is the study of our nervous system and how it communicates with us. And that allowed me to study under. A great man thought that he's a neuroscientist and a psychotherapist. And what I have come to understand from my own experience and learning from amazing people is that essentially your environment will trigger some form of a belief that then triggers some form of a thought or a thought pattern. And it doesn't stop there right from that. It goes to your feelings and your emotions. And there's a beautiful, like, vicious cycle that happens there. So I'll give you an example.
Let's say I'm at work at Microsoft, and my manager calls me in the office and I let's say your manager called you in and let's say you are up for a promotion or a raise. And they're like, Mike, I'm sorry, but there's not enough money this year. You're not going to get this promotion.
You may understand in a moment, but something will happen. A belief will get triggered. When you hear there's not enough money. We can give you the promotion. We can give you the raise. Some stories from your past will get triggered. Those will turn into thoughts. Maybe I thought, you know what? I knew I wasn't good enough.
Nothing to do with what the actual reasons are. It's just what your mind starts to tell you, your psychology.
And without you realizing, that thought of I'm not good enough turns into feelings of not being good enough.
And as, you know, as you feel not good enough physically, you know, you might start getting ill. You know, maybe your stomach starts to hurt. Maybe something happens in your body. It starts a vicious cycle that will trigger another belief. It's like, yeah, I knew I shouldn't have come into there, or I knew I should have eaten that thing. Because you start looking for reasons and more thoughts and more beliefs and more emotions get triggered. And we know that what follows that is an action or an inaction, right? So let's say that night you're supposed to go out on a date night with your spouse. You get home, of course you're not feeling very well because you had this tough conversation at work. And, you know, this. This psychology of yours has done wonders to send you down the rabbit hole. And you tell your partner, no, I'm sorry, I can't go out anymore. I don't feel like it.
And then after an action. There's always an outcome. And the outcome can be good, bad, or indifferent. It doesn't really matter, right? Different perspectives for different people. So that's how life works. And this happens how many times a day? Environment, trigger, belief or thought, feeling, emotion, action, result or outcome. So our psychology is absolutely everything, CJ. So in my methodologies, I always started the psychology level. I call it the mind, right? Because if we can control our mind in some way, then we can control our outcomes a lot better.
[00:34:16] Speaker B: So you help people to actually find a reframe for their stories that they're living.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: Exactly. So you can call it mindset coaching or performance coaching in this area. But there's a bit more than that, I would say. So I like to use the three words, mind, body, and soul. And I look at it as the mind is one big engine that we have, that runs this beautiful race car that we have, and the soul is another engine that could run the beautiful, you know, this supercar that we have.
But what has to happen is, in our life, we're so materially driven and so much in our head because of society, because of how you grew up. It doesn't matter. You can. You can. You can look at many reasons we end up only using part of our one engine and kind of ignoring the other parts and not even fully using it. So you're, you know, people talk about mindset, right? They talk a lot about, like, you gotta have the right mindset. But what was the right mindset gonna do for you when the foundation on which it's built is weak?
And that's what your psychology is, right? So, like, you mentioned the stories. So, in working with me, we first look at the stories of your life. Like, what seems to be holding you back? Like, is it your perspective? Is it your stories and your stories? If you look at any stories in your life right now, let's take a story. Maybe you think you're not good enough or not pretty enough or not smart enough. Pick whichever one that seems to come up a lot and ask yourself this question, is this my story or is this someone else's story? Because you likely heard that saying from someone that you grew up with. Maybe it was your mother, maybe it was your father, maybe it was your teacher that they felt that way and told you that, or maybe just overheard them, and it made you internalize that. So now the story becomes a lens through which you look at life.
So it's about identifying the stories, reframing them. If they're not yours and they don't fit your vision and making changes. And that works on the, on the mind engine, right? So it makes that engine a lot stronger. But you're still not really tapping into the second engine, which is what I call the soul or spirit.
And what we do next is we work through the body to start to understand ourselves. So, you know, I mentioned, I gave that example of Mike having the meeting with his manager, and, you know, the thoughts and feelings start to happen and then he feels something in the body, right? He feels something off. Well, that's something that we often don't pay attention to. Your body will talk to you, will tell you, hey, if something is off, it will tell you. So how can we do practices and how can we empower you to start to listen to your body? And I feel, not I feel, but I both feel and know now that the body is the bridge between your mind and your soul.
So if you enable that bridge now, it allows you to give the second engine and really get the most out of it, because now you can start tapping into your intuition, start tapping into your heart. So you go from a place where you're all in your head, which is more than fine. That's where pretty much 95% of people are. I was there as well. And then you slowly move yourself. And by slowly, I mean it could be actually pretty fast into the land of using both engines. And it's not about moving from one engine to the second engine and saying, this is better. No, it's about and end in the middle. I go and use both engines and imagine how fast now you can go, how much further you can go by using two engines versus just one.
[00:37:46] Speaker B: Yeah. So definitely listening to the body and connecting that to the mind and then finding that balance is a key element.
So can you talk about some common struggles that high achievers face that you help them overcome? You would have seen a lot of patterns with the people you've worked with so far, so.
[00:38:01] Speaker A: Absolutely, yeah.
[00:38:02] Speaker B: So what are you finding?
[00:38:04] Speaker A: So there's two that come up right away, and this is based on some of the recent customers I've worked with and success stories. But also, like you said, the patterns I've seen and the two are, surprisingly enough for me, the second one is very surprising. The first one is not. It's overwhelmed. So high achiever will feel overwhelmed often. Why? Because we take on more than we can chew, because we want to get everything done right. We are high achievers for a reason, meaning that we are always striving for more.
[00:38:32] Speaker B: You want to fix everything.
[00:38:34] Speaker A: Exactly right. So overwhelm is a big one. Now, how does overwhelm manifest? It will be different for you than me, but most of the time, it manifests in you being stressed, having some form of challenge in your life where maybe, you know, you. You are escaping reality through things. Like, for me, I was working really hard, and I was, you know what I consider my peak performance, which, looking back, wasn't. I say that that peak, but it was more than most people. And I would escape through food, through Netflix, through gaming, and that was kind of, let's call it by me time.
But overwhelm can also manifest. I was talking to a client this week that I just. They just imparted me on this journey. And as we were looking to uncover some of their biggest challenges in life, he said, overwhelm is his biggest challenge. And then I said, let me ask you a question.
How much time do you have for yourself?
And he's like, well, you know, I have. I go to the gym three times a week, half an hour, and then I get the massage every two weeks, and I'm like, okay, anything else is. No, that's it. That's all I have. I have kids. I have a wife. I have two businesses I'm running. I don't have time for that.
Interesting. So let me ask you another question.
When do you recharge?
And the answer is, though, the answer he gave me was that. What do you mean? I recharge when I sleep.
I sleep six to 7 hours a day, and that's enough.
Now, is there any wonder that most of us feel overwhelmed when the only time we have to ourselves is when we sleep? And then maybe a few minutes a day, I'm talking without any distractions.
[00:40:12] Speaker B: Right.
[00:40:12] Speaker A: Because if you're sitting on the couch and watching tv for 2 hours, I would argue that it may not be a time for you. Yes, it may feel like you're recharging, but I know from my case and many people that it's not really the case. So overwhelmed. Look in your life and see what. How does he show up? Because overwhelm shows up then, or manifests as procrastination. Right. I'll watch, you know, one more episode, because I really don't want to get things done.
He shows up through fears. He shows up through.
Through stress in your body and in your environment, through many, many things. And so that's number one. Number two, which was very, very interesting to me, and I suffer from a big time. CJ is the idea of self loathing meaning, like, you don't see yourself in a good light. I look in the mirror, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm stupid, whatever the case might be. And that's why many high achievers keep striving for more, because they don't have a good image of themselves on the inside of. Maybe it happened because of bullying when you were young, maybe because your mother or father told you you're not good enough unless you were perfect. So now we go through life always striving for more.
And, you know, here I am working with a eight figure CEO, and he tells me one of the first things, that he hates himself. Now, how can you get to a level where you are so successful and you still hate yourself? And by the way, this is very, very common. Maybe hate is a strong word. Maybe you don't hate yourself, maybe dislike yourself. But ask yourself the question, if you become successful while disliking yourself and feeling overwhelmed, where could you go if you fixed just those two things? Yeah, it'd be amazing, right? And, yeah, those are. Those are the biggest ones I've seen, CJ. Well, that's many others.
[00:42:02] Speaker B: Well, but that's actually huge. I mean, for people to actually discover that and recognize that for themselves and then to open up to you, to be able to accept the chance of change, that takes a lot of vulnerability. So I was going to ask you then, how does much.
What role does vulnerability play in your approach to your mentorship and your coaching.
[00:42:26] Speaker A: Immensely. And here's why. CJ. What I did mention is that before these people opened up to me, like every other client I get to work with, I'm the one that opens up to them the same way opened up with you on the podcast. I talk about my mental health struggles. I talk about my own overwhelm and. And challenges with stress and everything else, because I'm like, hey, this is me. I'm not hiding anything. Yeah, I'm a coach now, and I still struggle with some of these things, but I have tools that allow me to navigate quicker through them, which means there's less of an impact.
And there's also times when in my past, I didn't and I was held back significantly. So if you come and work with me, I want to ensure that you don't have to go through the same struggles, if we can avoid that. So then, as I share my stories, I say, hey, this is, you know, this is what I've gone through, what others have gone through. That gives you permission to share yours, because the space is created in such a way that there is no judgment.
There is no blame, no shame. It's just simply, hey, open kimono type thing. It's like, I'm open here. This is who I am. Creates a safe environment which allows you to then be a bit reflective and say, you know what? Yeah, I am struggling with that, too.
[00:43:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. For myself, when I was at the peak of my career, I felt completely alone in it. And I couldn't even talk to my partner at the time about it because it. And, you know, like you said, overwhelm was just a major factor. And.
But the thing is, I was so deep in it, I couldn't even recognize what that was.
[00:44:07] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:44:08] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:44:09] Speaker A: And you know what's funny? You mentioned that if I can ask something, CJ, and I'll let you continue.
[00:44:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:15] Speaker A: Sometimes if you recognize it in others, it becomes easier to recognize in yourself. So when I open up, when I become vulnerable, which is always now, when I share my story authentically, that provides almost like a mirror for someone else to reflect back in. So you ask me a question. How can someone open up is because if you surround yourself with people that will be open and honest with you, then you're going to learn so much more about yourself than ever before. Because if you surround yourself with, yes. People and people that don't want to step on your toes, they won't be reflecting back what you actually need to be working on. And like, in your case. In my case, CJ, you won't even realize you're depressed or overwhelmed or in a spot where you could pull yourself out from with a bit of help.
[00:44:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, in those spaces, you feel quite isolated, but when you actually have people around that are able to be open and vulnerable and share of their experiences, like you say, you know, we're led by example. We see that it's possible to be able to talk about these things.
Yeah.
[00:45:18] Speaker A: Not only talk, but able to go through them. Right. And them. And then just go on the other side and all of a sudden you're done. You're. You're past it. It's. It's just like, it feels easy once you. Once you find the tools that work for you.
[00:45:33] Speaker B: So why is community building important in the process of personal development? I mean, it seems to help a lot more when you have people around you that are actually going through these changes and growing. Do you offer, like, any chance for people to connect with others that are going through this personal growth, too?
[00:45:52] Speaker A: I love this question so much, CJ, and I didn't realize the importance of community or the true importance of community. Until a few years ago, as I was going through my own journey, and when I went to Ecuador, it really opened up my eyes because I'm like here with 20 something strangers, and we're all pouring our hearts out, crying and having these experiences together. And years later, I still have at least ten or so I talk to. And some of them are really close friends. Like, to emphasize this for the audience listening. I moved to where I am right now in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, at the time, it was five years in 2022, and I made in those twelve days more friends and deeper connections than I made in the five years I was here locally. And it wasn't for a lack of trying here, but the reality is that a lot of us run through life on autopilot, which means that the life is, or connections are very superficial. Talking about the weather, the politics, sports, whatever, it doesn't allow it to get very deep. Like, how can you be authentic and vulnerable when someone is uncomfortable or communities uncomfortable to open up? So in noticing that, I said, okay, well, how am I going to serve others if I'm not going to provide a community aspect? So one on one is great, right? There's a lot of power behind that. And that's why I keep very few slots open every time, because I see the power in it. However, to scale up everything to be able to provide more of an impact. I do. I do have group programs, and now what I'm doing is I have a mastermind. Well, multiple mastermind groups. And I have a retreat coming up in November, my first retreat, my first of many, where I'm going to bring in 16 high achievers in one place for about four days in Costa Rica. And we're going to go deep on the community aspect of it. There will be solo time, there will be deep community aspect, and there's a lot of research out there and invite the audience to look into it around community. And if you think about just your ancestors, if you were by yourself, it meant you pretty much were destined to die. That's why there were tribes. That's why there were always groups of people. Because this journey is not meant to be, you know, gone through alone. Journey through alone. The power of community is immense. It allows you to, like I mentioned earlier, to have a reflection. If the. If there are people aligned with you, right, like, see what you're missing, and it allows you to have the support you need through the tough times. And we know that, again from science. They showed us a lot that if someone let's say you take you and someone else or a group of people and you go through a tough experience together. And again, it could be emotional because you unpack something, it brings you very close together, and it forms that connectivity between people. So, for me, it's probably one of the most important values. Community and nature are two of the top ones.
[00:48:46] Speaker B: Yeah. I think it's key to realize that, you know, anyone out there that's having a tough time with their. With their life and their work and the feeling, the nudge from this conversation that, you know, realize that we've all been through this, and that's the reason why we can all talk about it. So. Yeah. Yeah. It's important to realize you're not alone.
[00:49:07] Speaker A: Absolutely not. Ever.
[00:49:09] Speaker B: Yeah. And what advice would you give someone that's starting out towards their self discovery journey? I mean, you know, there's definitely people out there that are listening, that are just going, oh, what do I do now? So how can, how could they, like, where will we just go there? We'll just go to. How can they find you?
[00:49:27] Speaker A: Oh, they can find me. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. So, I mean, there's a couple of ways you can find me. You can find me on LinkedIn for any professional here. You can find me there on Constantine Bo morun. And mine, my name does not have an e at the end, so it's just Constantine ends with an n. And my podcast, unleash thyself. The website as well. Unleash thyself.com. that's what I have, all the programs and retreats and everything I do. And beyond that, like, if you're just starting out in your journey, or even if you're just partway through, as I would say, the biggest thing that helped me and helps my clients is to ask better questions.
What I mean by that is that if, let's say I'm hitting my head against something and I'm like, man, I really need to go through this.
Taking a step back and saying, what am I missing? Or another question or a series of questions I like, which work wonders, is asking the question, what if this were easy?
What would it look like? Who would I be? That's the three questions I get to ask. And I do this with my clients, but I do it with myself almost every day, because what tends to happen in this society is that if something appears easy, we overlook it because we're, like, taught, indoctrinated, whatever word you want to use. That if it's easy, it's not good. If it's not hard. It's not worth it. But what if that's not true? What if it could be easy? And what I found in my journey, and the journey of so many of my clients, is that once you tap into that ease, then things start to flow. You're starting to use all those engines we talked about earlier. You're nothing holding yourself back. So if you're the beginning of the journey, just ask some better questions, because you may be surprised by the answers that come up. Another question, is this my story or someone else's story? And as you allow it to unpack, you realize that most of your stories are not yours, which means that you can create new stories.
[00:51:27] Speaker B: Yeah, it's important for people to realize that they can always ask themselves the question, how can I find ways to change? And that just opens up a whole lot of information for them that they can access just by sitting still.
[00:51:41] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:51:44] Speaker B: So, Constantine, we've come to the end of the podcast, and I was going to ask you, how can people find, I mean, value themselves of your services? I mean, you talked about your LinkedIn, and I've got your website there. I'll put that in the show notes.
And that's calm success live.com dot.
[00:52:03] Speaker A: So that's one of them. Yes, and the other one is unleashed itself. I'll send those to you as well after, so people can have access to it. And calm success live. It's a great one because that's one of the webinars or master classes I host. And I host these free events often. Some are a low charge of like $10, but it's about sharing what I've learned. So then you can actually get access to direct information that could help you right now. So those master classes are nothing, just fluffy stuff. We go deep into practices and exercise that you can take and apply to your life right away. And as calm success life is one of many that I run on a consistent basis.
[00:52:42] Speaker B: Excellent. That's great. So thank you so much for your sharing here today, Constantine. And, yeah, yeah, I'm certain there's a lot of listeners out there that will actually find the benefits in what they've heard, and hopefully some will have a breakthrough as well. And, like, access change.
[00:52:59] Speaker A: Absolutely. 100%.
[00:53:00] Speaker B: Excellent. All right, I'll say goodbye to listeners.
I enjoyed Constantine's talk. He actually exudes a calmness around, uh, these understandings of how self fulfillment and reaching outside of the self actually is a bit disjointed. I mean, it seems like that's something that we all go through when it comes to, um, growing up in life, you know, we're taught that the ways that we're meant to live is the only way until we realize that it isn't, and then we find other ways to live. And this conversation speaks to that. Speaks to that. And if you've enjoyed this conversation, please give us five stars on your podcast app. And if you're on YouTube, like, and subscribe, that'd be really cool. And if you think there's somebody out there that needs to hear this story, too, please just share to one person. That'd be really cool. So thank you so much for listening. Until the next episode, it's bye for now.
