Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: It's a screwed up life. I didn't want to write this book. I'm going to tell you right now. I did this kicking, my buddy Sam said, therapeutically write the book.
[00:00:57] Speaker B: Welcome to Supernormalize, the podcast, where we challenge the conventional break boundaries and normalize the seemingly supernatural. Join me, CJ Barnaby, in the liminalist space to explore less charted realms of existence and to unravel the mysteries of life. Experience each episode, I'm blessed with the opportunity to talk to regular people from across the world, where they openly share their understanding and wisdom in service to others. If you're looking to upgrade your life, you've come to the right place. Be sure to like and subscribe, and I'll bring you great transforming conversations each week. My treasured viewers and listeners. If you have a life story or healing modality or unique knowledge that you'd love to share, reach out to me at supernormalizedroton me. Let's together embrace acceptance of the supernatural and unusual what it really is completely normal. Today's episode of supernormalize features Aiden Gabor, a former mob associate turned courageous whistleblower whose incredible story captured is captured in his memoir, conflicting loyalties. Aiden is quite the character growing up in a, you know, inner city sort of community, and was pretty much weaved into a life of crime just by hanging around the mob and being in the wrong place at the right time to make the right connections and seeing his abilities and how they had come through from basically his mother's story, which is quite wild. You'll be interested to hear that as well.
Yeah, let him into a life of crime, which was tumultuous and dangerous and basically, you know, from what you see in all the movies and everything, pretty much like that. Crazy. Yeah.
Aidan shares of his story and how that changed when he became an informant for, I think it was the FBI, and ended up putting away a lot of mobsters and corrupt police as a part of the work that he was doing to get his potential sentence of 75 years off his back.
So it's quite a wild story.
I enjoyed having a talk with Aiden because he's very well spoken and connects everything together, really clearly, even though he thinks he doesn't, although he said so at the end was like, no, no, that just all made sense to me.
And it's interesting how it drew him to a life where he got a faith and found a new way to be in the world. So it's a good, great story. I really enjoyed the story and enjoyed the communication that we've shared today. And, yeah, I'm sure you will, too. So on with the show.
Welcome to super normalized, Aiden Gabor. Aiden, you've had quite a tumultuous life that has taken you through a lot of different places and a lot of different states of being. But a part of that story was the involvement in organized crime as a youngster that actually then put you in a position where you were forced to make a life decision.
Would you like to round out that sort of story? And welcome to the show.
[00:04:24] Speaker A: Well, thank you for having me, sir. It's a pleasure being on.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: So tell us. Tell us about your early life and what happened there.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Oh, it was. It was.
I started out when I was like, nine, about nine or ten. We'd have gatherings around, people coming from the old country, the grandmas and moms. And we would have, like, a barbecue. We have food, I believe. So as a child, we would. All the families would get together. Yeah. And we'd be outside and have little scuffles, and I would, you know, we get actually sometimes pretty good fights, you know, because people start their shit. And I. I was beaten, you know, getting into scuffles with kids four or five, six years older than me and staying with them. And we. It was a gravel area, and we were kind of in the back away where you really couldn't see where, you know, boys would be boys, I guess you say. And, I mean, there was a couple times I got bloodied up, and one time the cop showed up, like, you know, tell us what's going on. Well, they knew the one boy I was going against, he's had a record. He's like, tell us what he's doing today. And I'm like, no, you show me how to wrestle. You know, you can tell. No, he show me how to wrestle. Get the f out of here. And, I mean, I believe we'd come in and I would hang with these guys, and we would have people tell to come, you know, hey, Kate, go get me this. Can you go get me that? And you had a respecting. You did one. One of the. Especially if a couple like Eddie would ask me to go give him something.
You learned that, you know, you don't say no, you just went and did it. And after a while, you know, he'd say, what's going on out there? And we're like, nothing. Where'd you get the bloody lip from? And so my dad would be sitting there and, no, we just playing. We're wrestling. And nobody, you know, I didn't say anything. Some kids were coming crying that so and so beat up on me. I never did that. And one day he just looked at me, and he said, hey, can you ride your bike to the shop? I got something for you, and make a little bit of money. And I said, sure, but I'm not doing anything. I wasn't doing anything. So I rode my bike up there, and he's like, take this package to this address. You know where it's at. He kind of map. And then you drop it off and give it to this person. And then when you're done, bring it on. Don't look in it. Don't stop for anybody. Just go and do that. They may give you something to come back. So I did it, and I come back, and, you know, he'd give me $20, and he said, okay, go ahead for today. Thank you. And I would run and go get candy. I was a king with all my buddies, you know, 20 back in that time. $20 of candy is a lot of candy for kids.
[00:07:09] Speaker B: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: And I started doing this, and Eddie saw something in me, and I just started doing that. Worked my way up to taught. They taught me how to. How to steal, how to drive, taught me how to shoot, how to use a knife and ice pick, how to steal cars. You know, as I was growing up, my adolescents were there, and I would always spend time there. And I would clean the shop. I would sweep the shop. We had, like, a little, like, a little, like, what do you call it? Like a club there. And guys would go in there, and they would have a little bit to drink. And then you get food deliverance up, and they would play cards, and I would go and clean up after them and stuff and work my way up. I mean, there's one incident where this guy Dominic, which was Eddie's right hand man, pushed me. Pushed me really hard into the wall. I grabbed a broom's hand on him with it. Mars. I can't. Next thing I know, he swung a gun in my face. And Eddie's like, enough.
And he pulled me up. Says, you got to watch yourself, because you're respecting. I wasn't very. He pushed me. He goes, okay, you know what? You just got to sometimes let things go. And I'm like, no, I don't do that. And he's just like, all right, well, that's enough.
And I just worked my way up to one day we start collecting from, like, stores and people around the neighborhood, you know, and then for today, gamblers and stuff you know, the thing we did, we stole cars as little chop shop.
It loan shark. It did collections for life protection, and gambling was a big thing. And then they had prostitution, and I was not allowed to go buy the prostitution part. Being an adolescent, you know, being a teenager, they didn't think they would want me by the girls and stuff like that. But I saw I never got to go close to, never got to talk to them. They said, stay away.
And after I got. Grew up all the way up to doing that and all the way up until I went to college around. I was a little late in life. I went to college at 19, going on 20.
[00:09:19] Speaker B: Right? So we got up to the age of 20, and then what happened?
[00:09:25] Speaker A: Well, after that, you know, what happened was we got about 20. I didn't think I'd ever leave there. That's the reason I took. And Eddie came to me and, you know, going back, we worked way up that, you know, I would steal cars, had a couple of stealing cars, and then I would be an enforcer where I would go collect and beat up people. And, I mean, I had a nickname that I didn't like. And I'll say it to you before I get to the age, I was like, I was 716, I was 16. And we were sitting there having something to eat at a little deli, and there was somebody walking by, and Eddie goes, hey, that guy throws me money, owes me like 20 grand. And I just went tearing off, and I got me, I hit the guy with my left hand. He went down, and I just started kicking the crap out of him before Dominic showed up. And he's like, you got these bleeding. And I'm just beating it, beating the crap out of him, just kicking him in the face, kicking him in the rubber and like, you better get the money. This is just a warning. And then that Dominic said. And he looks at me, goes, you still eat the sandwich? I'm like, what, you're selling the sandwich? And I'm like, yeah, I like this sandwich. I'm putting this down. This corned beef is the best sandwich. Oh, my go back. You go, hey, me tell you something. This. This kid's eating a sandwich, crap out of this guy. He goes, really? Because you know what? We're gonna call him sandwich.
And I hate it. I hate that name. Oh, no, that was the worst name in the world to get. You know, everybody gets a little nickname and. And, yeah, I got stupid sandwich, and that's what they sandwich, come here. Bring me that over my.
Okay, I'll be right there, you know, you work your way up, you know, and. Yeah, and Eddie, just also me, I mean, I would collect from, go to the mom and pop places. They never had an issue with them. You know, sometimes I had an issue with somebody from a different crew showing up in our territory and they're poaching, then they get in trouble. You have a good reason why you're. You're gonna end up on a very bad day. We read a couple, we had a couple of those and, and, you know, genetic gamblers and all that, and I would collect them. You know, everybody says, you know, yeah, I carried a baseball bat in my car, but I carried a mitt and a, and a ball. And everybody's like, well, what do you got? Because if you get pulled over, you were all that together. Say, I'm ready to play baseball anytime. I don't just have the bat, I have everything in there for it. So there's no way you can go against you with that, right? I, and I used to like to hit people's ankles because it made a different thing or pop when you hit them. And when they went to the ground, if you hit them in knee, they might be able to get up. You hit them in the ankles. I'm gonna tell you right now, you hit those ankles in the right spot, you're not getting up. You're in total control. And everybody's like, why would you come down there? I really can mess them up yet. It did mess up some people, but they got the points.
But I worked my way up being an enforcer and learning how to use a nice brick, like I said, how to shoot, how to drive a car. And one day when I was about 19, I was doing good and I loved the money. And Eddie came to me, he said, you got to go. I mean, there's no wonders. Like, no one at the shop. He goes, the FBI's arrested everybody. They arrested Nikki, they arrested Dominic, arrested Joey. All the guys are in the crew. And he said, I'm leaving. He goes, you just need, you have a chance. You haven't been arrested yet or anything. I was always gotten lucky. And he's like, go. You have a chance to play football in college. Go play ball.
Just go make some. But just do me a favor, keep an eye. Keep an eye on my son. And just, he's, at that time, he was about seven, and just, if there's any, just please keep an eye, just. But I'm leaving. That's the last time I ever seen Eddie. And I'm like, okay, I went and the FBI cramped down. I didn't hear anything.
I went off to school, and that's where my second partner is 19. I went off to school and I'm in there in the dorm and, you know, started football. We're playing and not playing, but we practice it. Nelson. I see these two clowns showing up in their JC Penney polyester suits, and I look at them, they're standing in the doorway and they want to talk to me. And I'm like, what do you guys want? We gotta have a chat. I'm like, who the f are you two? And they show me their pretty little badges and they're their department, you know, justice. And I'm like, oh, those are pretty. We need to talk. I may be arrested. You want to be. We need to talk. So I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to do a fishing expedition. Let's see what these clowns want. So we went, and I'm sitting in the back of this, you know, pos.
What are you, Chevy? And we went and got to this. I remember to this day, I can't forget this restaurant had a green roof. And I'm like, okay, this looks like great place to go. So we went in there and said, you want something? Like, not really. I'll take some orange juice. And they got their coffee. And then the one guy looks at me and he throws a. Just throws it. We're very talkative. Is through a pamphlet. Look at it. You're going to love these pictures. I'm like, whatever. So I open it up and there's pictures of me. I mean, me. There's pictures of my dad, me, and all with Eddie, with Dominic, with Nikki. And they're like, looking at me like, you know what we see? We got here. We got you. We know what you did well, you know what you've been into. And I'm like, you're looking at 75 years, you know, prison with this new law called Ricoh. I'm like, what? It's called Rico law. He goes, you, college boy, go look it up in your. In your library at the university there. Come on, college boy. I never heard of it. She goes, brand new law. It's awesome. And I'm looking so I'm like, I don't give a shit. My dad, I don't care if he goes, I don't care. I don't care if I'm being honest. And then I go, look, you know, I keep looking to it. There's pictures of my mom, my mom, my mom with eddie. My mom with a couple other people, my mom talking, taking something from them, and they're like, shit, we got everybody. Your dad's looking at about that. Your mom's looking about the same amount of time.
And for some reason, that just hit me. That hit me so hard that I can't describe the feeling. Like my mom now, I grew up as a mama's boy. I think everybody in the world, every man, has been a mama's boy most of. And they say they weren't. I think they're lying because I talked to my mom every day till today. She died. And that got me, man. You said something against my mother, and we had problems.
And I thought to myself, I can care about. I can care less about my dad. I could. I could.
So I'm like, what do you want? I just want you to think about it. We'll get back to you. So they dropped me off, and for a couple months, I couldn't do. I couldn't eat. I stayed up at night throwing a ball up in the air, catching it.
My stomach was killing me. I just, you know, it was eating me up. I couldn't. I played worse.
And hook practices, you know, getting yelled at, like, what's your problem? This is not how you play. And I just couldn't do it. The two clowns show back up and go to talk, and I go, what do you, what do you want? You know? Then I went and looked up what the Rico law was, a brand new law. And it was like, everybody associated with everybody can be arrested.
They don't really have to prove anything. They just have to make it that you were associated with an incident that was happening. And, I mean, I'm really into this. And I'm like, so I went to a professor, too, and I asked her. He goes, yeah, why? No, because that's it. If you're an organized crime, you're screwed.
So that, that's what really got to me, because I did. I went to look it up after they told me about it. They even gave me a piece of paper spell out just in case, you know, I had an issue because, you know, I, they, I knew what they probably. I was dyslexic, so I don't have time in school anyway. So I went and looked it up, and that's. I found out. I'm like, holy sh.
Yeah, so they, yeah, they showed back up, and I go, what do you want me to do?
And they're like, well, we'll let you know, but this is what we want you to do. You know, it's, it's September almost, or I'm, see, after, I think it was October, because at the end of October, and they're like, well, why don't you just party way out school so your old play with the college girls. We'll give you some money, you just part of your way out. Get your, get your life, get everything out of here right now just in case something happens and you end up going to jail. Get your life. We'll give you all the up till the end of school year.
So I did, I partied, I played with the girls, you know, didn't do well in school, didn't do good on football.
And I ended up, you know, at the end of the year, I ended up leaving school. And then I remember getting back there and I hadn't told my parents yet. And I just, I couldn't get it in me.
And then these two, the idiots show up and like, okay, we want to meet you at this. And so they, a couple towns over went another Us restaurant. And I walk inside, I didn't think this was even a waffle house, some crap. And I'm sitting there like, you want something? I go, really? No, I don't, you know, I'll take whatever, I'll take coffee this time. So they said, what do you think? I'm like, what do you, what do you need me to do? I've already done my part. What do you, am I done? No. No. So we want you to get on this police department.
And I looked at him with this look like, are you, are you shit me? Wago? Wait. You want me to do what we want you get on and become a police officer in this department.
And they gave me name of department. Once you get on, because we'll tell you after you get on with what we're looking for, but we want you to get on.
I'm like, you guys, seriously? Yeah, I'm telling you, but when you get on it, you can't talk about this. You talk to your mother, you talk to your father, any friends, anybody. The deals, often you go to jail. You know, corny, at the time, I'm, you know, I didn't know.
And I said, yes, sir.
So I go on and people ask me, what happened if you wouldn't have got on. They didn't give me, they just said, this is what you're going to do, get on this department. There was no what. They were very, like I said, they were talkful, very forthcoming. What information? Never. The whole time I dealt with these problems, they never. They were just. This is what you need to do. It wasn't. It was like an ultimatum. Well, I got on. Back in that day, if you were physically fit and not a complete idiot, you could get on socially physically fit part. So I got on. And I got on after I went to academy, did a couple weeks, and I'm thinking, you know, but prior to that, after they told me that. I'm sorry. After they told me to do this, I went back home.
I got home and my mom's like, what's wrong? Oh, I want to tell you guys something. The mom, they were at dinner, and I go, I don't want to go back to school. Well, my dad drops at work and just look.
What do you mean you don't want that? It's just not for me. I just don't fit in. Bullshit. Aiden, you're going back. No, I'm done. What are you gonna do? What the f. Are you gonna do with your. Everything that we were. That you did before gone.
And I go, I want to be. I want to be a cop.
Well, your dad just looked at me.
You'll be a fucking flat foot.
Yeah, I want to be a cop. A fucking flat. You freaking. He just losing it. My mom's like.
He's just like, fuck are you? I do. I'm just looking at him and it's in all kinds of languages. And he's like, get the house. I don't want to fuck it. Get the fuck out of here. So I go in the back room. I leave, and I'm in the back room. My mouth comes in, she goes, Hayden, really?
A cop? No. I mean, if anything I go do, she goes, well, if that's really what you want to do, I'll be behind you. Take some time away and go to your uncle's place until your father cools down.
I've been talking to my dad for almost just over ten years after that, that day, because I became a flat foot. Especially after I got in the academy. He wanted nothing to do with me.
So I get out, I get this department, I'm on there for a couple months, and then I get. They go, hey, we want you. I meet up with the two idiots. We want you to get on this. We want you to get close to this officer. His name was Terry. And I'm like, okay, why? I think the guy I know you're talking about is he's. He's a freaking ass. You know, I could put this for Terry was. If you ever met anybody, most embrace a personality that you just hated wanting to punch the minute you started talking to him.
[00:23:20] Speaker B: Yeah, there's people like that for sure.
[00:23:22] Speaker A: Yeah, this guy, this guy was in a capitalist. Nobody liked him. Yeah, and he's always talking shit, but, you know, it's okay. And I'm like, yeah, that's all right. I might, you know, tell the kind of guy becoming friend with Odin. And we're roll call. And I go, hey.
He goes, I go, I'm gonna maybe get close right along with, you know, do some stuff with Terry over there. He goes, are you kidding me? Guys? An ass.
No one ever talks to him. Maybe he's just grumpy, needs a friend. And they're like, oh, you're looking for punishment? So I'm thinking, I gotta get close to this guy. Anyway, so I started right now. Yeah, I'll ride with them. Seriously? Yeah. All right, Aiden, you're going with Terry. Terry, just like, get the fuck in the car. We're not very talkative either. And just talking shit about every time we drive by. Anybody look at that?
And I talked to myself, I hate this guy. I truly hate this guy.
And after Ronnie go, you know, we started going out drinking, and that was the start of my downfall. So we started going out drinking, and we're at the bar one day, he looks at me, he goes, you know, I like that you're writing with me. I was going to ask if we put together anyway. And I go, okay. And he goes, I know you. And I go, yeah, we were partners now and then. Yeah, I know you. He's like, no, no, I knew you when you were younger. How do you know me? Oh, I run with the crew over here. And I knew you ran with the crew in the boss. And I'm like, that's. I really don't. We don't need to talk about that shit. You know, don't worry about my younger life. He's like, no, no, no. I work with a crew out here.
And I thought to myself, okay, good for you. You know, don't make a public knowledge. You know, I'm doing stuff with them, and I, we, Jesus, start telling me that we drink. And it really just bullshit conversation. So then I meet up with dumb and dumber again, and they're telling me, oh, I'm getting close to him. What do you need? And he goes, well, we think this guy was working as a hitman while being a cop. And I laughed at. I go, see, let me get close to this guy because you think he's a hitman for another crew and you want me to find out, you know, but you don't. When I started this whole deal, they told me just to go get information that you're going in as an informant, not as undercover. So you have no backup. So something happens.
Oh, well, we could. That's okay. We'll be alright. If you don't make it, we're okay with that. You know, it's, it's the. You're by yourself.
And then when they tell me about what the guy's doing and get closer to him, I'm thinking, if this guy gets squirrely on me, I'm fine. I'm screwed. Yeah. So I got closer and then we got, we went out. We really started drinking, hitting our. Now, Terry was a culper instead of a drinker. I mean, he just drank to get drunk. You know, he just pounded the beer, you know, I saw him drink a beer in 15 seconds. A whole drink draft. And I was like, what the up with this guy? And he would just shot shots. And he's doing shots. I'm drinking with them and he's telling me, he goes, let me tell you. So I know about your, you know, you ran with Eddie and them, that you ran with the tough ones. I go, okay. And he goes, I'll do it. Let me tell you what I did. And he told me what he did. He said, I had a. They want me hit this guy shot the guy in the back. It had. And I got to work. I'm the first one at the call, at the scene, I'm thinking, oh, wow, that's, that's something to get away with. You hit somebody and you're the first officer, so your fingerprints are all over everything. So. Wow.
So I kind of. I told him, you need to shut up about this shit. I'm playing like, you know that. Well, you know, I don't want to hear this. So we were start drinking with his wife. His wife would come out with us and she get lonely. She's cried by me talking. Well, I mean, let me tell you about, you know, I mean, let me tell you about Terry, what he's doing. I mean, I don't know, like, you need to shut up. And we're getting drunk. We went back to this house one day and I was helping him in because he was plowed. And I got him and she's crying and she was. I can't. She goes, he told me two of those people. I just don't know if I can live. You need to shut up and deal with it.
So now we're going into close to two years with this guy. And, I mean, I hated every minute. It was like nails on a chalkboard. So I went back, you know, we met up with the two, and I'm like, finally I've said, you know what, guys? This guy admitted to it. I don't have any anything because, you know, we were drinking. It just a spur of the moment, you know, I don't think about bringing it every night and.
But the wife's done. She wants to come, and she'll come to you guys. It's not that you can force her. She's willing to do it. She's at the. I go, if you pump her, you got him. I'm like, oh, okay.
That was it. I went back, and about three months later, four months later, I got a call and say, hey, man, FBI's all over us over here.
Wait, it sounds familiar. And I go, what do you mean? They're all over us? Yeah, they're. They're all over. They arrested Terry. They're going through everything. You know, people are here. And I'm like, oh, shit. So we go back and the place is in chaos. And everybody's like, I get talked to and I'm like, I had no clue. We just rolled along and nothing. You know, they. That was it. And I like with, like, the third officer to leave because it was like a, you know, rats leaving the sinking ship. So I left, and I met, you know, I was waiting. I met with dumb and dumber again. And they go, yeah, no, we got good in prayer. Wife gave us everything. And so we want you, you know, you have to. We want to get another department. I'm like, oh, God, please, guys, didn't I, didn't I fulfill my do know?
And you did a really good job.
So they told me we only get we got this another department. And when he told me, department get on, I looked at him and I'm like, no freaking way. You guys are assholes. They're like, we want you to get on the apartment where I grew up in, I'm like, why do I mean? Well, yeah, I know those. I mean, growing up, I would deliver packages to all the politicians and all the bad police officers. They'd be sitting in the shop. I'd be like, you're cop. And they show me their badges. And the guys getting money and telling information to Eddie, they want me to go to that partner I grew up in. Now, I knew all these guys, especially the mayor. He was one of the ones I used to take the packages to him, bring stuff back. And they want me to go with that. And the police commissioner and a police and fire commissioner, everybody, I mean, everybody was in Eddie's pocket.
And I thought, why you? I look at him, I go, why? Just get on. That's another no, just get out. So I went over there, transferred, tested, got on. And you know, when I got there with the mayor, they called me in and they said, aiden, what? Why do you want to come to our department again? I heard you weren't so and so, yeah, the FBI hit over. I didn't like it over there in the first place. I want to go feel like more. I want to be more at home. And they're like, well, we know you're good stock. You're going to total line. Yes, sir. Whatever you need me to. I'll totally line you gonna do what you need me to tell you? Yes, sir. Whatever you tell me to do, I'll go total line. And the commissioner is like, you know, he does keep, we know is where we ran with. You could be trusted then. Yes, sir. Well, yeah, okay, jaden, we'll be glad to have you on. I got on the department and then they start telling me, hey, we want you to get information on this, on these guys, get information on the mayor, get him. And, you know, my times there, I probably had a gun pointed at me.
I don't know, from a couple guys that were suspicious. I've met under 30 times. And I talked my way out of it. I told him, pull the trigger if you really think you can get away with it. Because remember, I go, you know, I ran with. And I have people that will come at your ass for doing something stupid like this.
So I would get information. I got very easy because they trusted me.
And I ended up putting several police officers and several politicians and commissioners in prison, you know, with all the antics that they were doing and stuff. I mean, during the time though, I was there, I was drinking. But I don't know if you ever heard of the blue line.
And in law enforcement it's called the blue line with your men and women law enforcement, you do not cross that blue line. You just put blinders on. You don't want to see what the other officers are doing unless it's super bad and you're not going to say nothing about it. And I was having hallucinations while drinking of St. Michael with the flaming sword coming at me and said, you have betrayed your brothers and sisters and slashing at me. I'm freaking out. You know, when I when I first started with the crew, it was family and respect. That was the big thing, is family respect. You don't go across the family, and you don't disrespect. And I'm going to say, I never said anything against McCrew or anybody. Ran with Eddie Dominican. I've never said anything, even though they thought I did. Not Eddie, but anyway, Dominican thought I did. I never did. Never said a word. I would have told them to get f'ed. I would have done my time.
But when it came to bad police officers and politicians I knew were bad, it started out me kicking a scream. And then I realized they're doing good, but was getting me. I became an alcoholic. And during this time, that with the betrayal, because blue line is the same thing your brothers and sisters, because what you have to deal with, the public doesn't know about that.
I was betraying.
So I attempted suicide.
And I know of at least two or 300 times, I used to have a 357 Magnum. I would put a magnum round and spin that coat and then pull the trigger. I put it in my. My temple, underneath my chin, in my mouth, and I would pull that trigger, and it never went off. Well, I'm here, but there's. Sometimes I would be passed out. Wake up. There'd be two, three rounds in that. In that three to seven. And a couple times where the hammer would be back or a couple times where it would be next. One would have been around.
Um, died at least a thousand times. Attempted suicide. For some reason, God said, yeah, we're not gonna let you off. They weren't gonna let you kill yourself.
And it was so. It was so. I remember just the darkness I was in because of. It was so hurt. Thinking, I'm hurting people. I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't tell anybody about it. You know, I was married at the time. I was a bad husband, a bad father. I couldn't talk to anybody about it. And I kept it inside. And I was so conflicting on that that I was. I was being such a. You know, I was betraying everybody, you know, and I was eating at me. So I went through all that during my time in law enforcement, and. But in the. But then I look at it, and I'm. When these officers would get arrested and then eventually put away, it felt good for me, especially the politicians. I love watching those apps go away. Even though I was very close to one of them, it still made me feel good, because I knew what these guys did.
And that was really my second part at the end of it. After, like, 14 years at the department, they're like, hey, are. You know, I was like, I'm done. And they're like, well, we want you to go to casino and check out who's running this casino. Get in there on the security.
And once you get in security, you have keys to everything. And I'm like, I went back from the d searches like frat boys. They're not doing anything wrong. They're having a good time making money, but they're not. I'm. After a year or two, I didn't see them doing anything. And then one day, they came to me and they said, you know, here's a little stipend.
Peace out. And I was thinking, maybe eventually I could become an Asian. I really did. But it was the peace out. Get the f out. We're done. Bye.
It was that quick. Was over with, right? And at the casino, finally, it got to the point where during my time, I realized, boy, I really don't like my wife.
You know, I would joke, you know, back in the day, I would joke that I would. I was married to Satan's daughter and that I was.
I would work for the other guy and collect souls because I was in such a dark place. And that was my joke. And while I was at the casino, I met the love of my life, which somebody understands me that I never thought I would, that would even accept me to this day, no matter, you know, how broken I am, that, hey, you know what? You can make yourself a better person.
And worked with me every day. And then during what happened was I was having night terrors after all this, you know, my wife and all this, and we're going several years, about several years ago.
And after everything was said and done, I was throwing her around, having nightcare. I was having night terrors, screaming, punching at the wall, the handcopener thrown her, yelling in different languages, just being out of control. She called my buddy Don, who's an officer at the department of last. But I grew up with him as one of my best friends. And my buddy Sam, who came over, and they were, like, talking, trying to talk me.
Don had to leave. And he's like, you know, you. And then they were telling me, Sam's like, you got to get religion. And. And they were just saying, religion. You know, my whole life, Don would say, hey, hey, do you need religion? You need religion in your life. You need some spirituality.
And I just. I just, you know, I didn't want it. And Sabrina's like, you need religion. I'm like, no, I told you, I work for the other guys. And Don had to leave. So Sam was stayed and he's talking to me. He says, hey, I can read these books. I'm on Baha'I.
And I'm looking at him, I go, what the heck is this? What is a baha'I? It sounds like, you know, and he's like, read these books on Abdu Bahai and the readings of the baby. And I thought, I don't like to read. I am not in a religion, you know, and what is this, some cult or, you know, is this like a thing with sister wise, several wives? I get what? No, no, it's. It's greeted about. So I read it and all this, and I did just nothing. So one day I'm sitting outside in the sun and reading it, and I felt this warmth is different inside, looking up, and I thought, wow, I got stomachache. So I go in and serene is like, what's wrong? I go, I don't feel good, or I feel. I feel this warmth. I'm reading up the baha'I's writing. She goes, you're getting spirituality. I'm like, go to hell. I don't like it. This sucks. I don't want this.
And I started reading, I started believing it, and I became a baha'I. And my buddy Sam told me, you know, I said, you know, the baha'I believes men and women are equal. Like, you know, there is no woman's not subservient to the man. We're equal. I've always believed that. And we're in. Everybody is equal that the man, that red, white, pink, purple, green.
There is no racism. We're all equal. I believe in 90% and sandwich. You were always behind, but you didn't know.
And then I became. I became a baha'I to where I am today. And I was joked that the gods got a sense of humor because I tried to kill myself numerous times, let's just say. And he wouldn't let me do it. You know, I've been, I've been stabbed about 20 times. And we're not going to let you. I would shot several times. Yeah, we're going to let you get through that, too, you know, and then, and I'm thinking, why? And I think he's got a sense of humor because he says, I'm gonna give you als. And wait till that starts getting at your buddy. You're gonna have a real fun time.
And so I'm gonna get paid back for all the things I've done. In my youth, and working up is how I look at it.
[00:41:09] Speaker B: Yeah, right. Yeah. That sort of makes. Makes a lot of sense that all that stress upon your, um, your soul and your body, um, manifests in something. But, uh, you've got your faith there to actually pull you through at the same time.
[00:41:24] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. I do rui class. And the funny thing is, we do ruri classes, which is like a Bible study. I do it twice a week. And this is first me. This is me person who never believed in God and never did anything, you know, and always worked for the other guy. But I did for three years. My wife Sabrina did classes with me. We did the classes 1 hour. We did 1 hour at that time. Three classes three times a week, 1 hour study with me, read, because my readings are great memories, not great. She reread the writing, reread the scriptures, and we go through it, and she did all the baha'I. Think she knows more about the baha'I faith than I do. But she never converted. She stayed to her christian beliefs, but she pushed me, you know, and she pushes me now. Like, we watched chosen and to push me, like, I don't want to go to class tonight. She slapped me the back of the head. Get your stupid ass in front of the computer. You know, I always joked, my entire life, I have never been afraid of. No, man, I'm not afraid of. I'm not afraid of anything. You know, I could walk through dark. I could walk through the nastiest neighborhoods. I'm fine.
My whole life was scored of two people in my whole life, and that's my mother and my current wife Sabrina. They both scared the shit out of me. And, you know, growing up, I never knew why my mom would scare my brother. My friend said, your mother scares me. Your mother's something about your mom that scares me. I'm like, yeah. Oh, shit. And then, you know, when I finally talked to my dad about ten years ago. Yeah, not quite that long. I'm sorry.
I'd say about eight. You know, five. Five years ago was when I talked to my dad right after I started doing a baha'I. And we actually talked and we went off and we met up to families, and he. He tells me, he goes, I go, why the mom was so scary? And he goes, you know, she never told you. Most of it, you never really know. And I go, no. She goes, I go, other than when she was passing, she told me she was screaming that we're jewish. She goes, well, yeah, she's jewish. But when growing up in Budapest. It was not a thing to be jewish, so her family hid it, even though she had a brother to really hide, a brother that became a stuka pilot. And they had another brother went in the SS and another, much of them that worked with the hungarian army, but two of them went on the german side, even though they were technically jewish, but they hid it. And I go, okay. She goes, but she scream. Overnight with the Russians came in and they. When she was about ten years old, the Russians attacked and in Budapest, and they did very bad things, raping and all that to her and her sisters. And so she had a really bad thing. So my dad. And then became partisans at ten years old. And my dad said, your mother scared you because she was the worst that we had. I go, what are you talking about?
She would have this long spear and she would walk out there and he's old Russians. Oh, look, little girl, what do you do? Applause and they start joking with her. And she's like, yeah. She'd like talk up and they'd bend down to talk to her. She pulled the spear on, stab him through the neck. Both of them, real quick. And if they were still breathing, stab another time, run away.
And I looked at my dad, I go, seriously, dad, come on. No, she did that. We lost number. It was in the hundreds. Russian soldiers. She was. We would throw wall of cocktails at the tanks. She would actually run up to the tanks, go up from open hats, throw them in and go off or find a spot, throw them out. Instead of throwing it, she banging on it and run out. She hated to Russians so much that she would find any way to kill him and that. And they say everybody was scared. Like your mother. And I read a book that what your parents don't do as a child could be hereditary towards you as a person growing up. After my dad tells this, it explains that when I went to see a psychologist, they said, I have no empathy. And I don't. I have no empathy for people.
Something happens to you, whoa, Stan. It sucks to be you.
I might laugh.
I also a borderline psychotic and a sociopath, because that's the way I grew up. Seeing the blood God, to me, I can't watch.
What do you call it? I can't watch any movies or, like, scary movies with my wife because I laugh throughout the whole thing. Someone's head gets blown off or ripped off or someone gets their arm ripped. I think it's funny. I don't know why. To me it's hilarious.
You know, I've seen many people hurt, blood spatterings, you know, giving their last breath. And I'm like, yeah, well, it sucks to be you. It is what it is. I just don't know why. And I fight with that every day. Even though I got religion, I still have that feel.
And, you know, I'm gonna tell you, when I was hurting people I loved, and I don't know. And that to this day, May, you know, it's just the way I am. It's the way I'm wired.
So. I learned that a couple of years ago, too. It explains why my mom was so scary, because of what they went through during world War two, and then all the way up to 56 when they were partisans going after the Russians. My mom really hated Russians when I found out what they did to her. That explains it. Now, growing up, she always hated Russians. Whenever we saw a Russian, she's like, oh, get away from those filthy Russians. I'm like, okay, just a dude with an accent to me.
So that's kind of my life in a nutshell.
[00:47:25] Speaker B: Yeah. Wow, that's tough. It's. I mean, it sounds like you had the warrior's blood thanks to your mother, but also not thanks to her experiences. I mean, it would have been really awful for her to actually go through all of that and then transmit that through to you. And I. You know, it sounds like your ongoing trouble with that in your life turned into, you know. Well, first of all, that bloom. It helped you bloom into the Baha'I faith, which is a very positive thing. But then, you know, you've got the negative influence there that came through, too, which is the, you know, the ALS and how that affects your body over time.
So. But reaching back into your understanding of the Baha'I faith, when it was started to click with you, what was it that actually drew you to it?
[00:48:14] Speaker A: You know, really drew down other. My buddy Sam really pushing it was that the fact that men and women are equal, that there is no, you know, in most. But, like, you look at the Baptist, you know, the woman subservient to the man. I always, you know, growing up, my mom ran the household. I don't care where you live, the woman. Women won their household, and they made decisions together. And that's another thing with the Baha'I face and the fact that, you know, I'm getting to the point that everybody's equal, that it's the whole spiritual aspect, that it's equal, and they don't. It's not forced upon you.
You learn as you go. It's not an overnight thing and nobody do what we can be what is expected of what the bob expects. And I get told be the best behind you can be.
And, you know, you're not really supposed to swear. Rice were pretty bad. I swear. Really bad.
You're not supposed to drink.
Okay, I do. I drink. I mean, all my medicine says, no, no drinking. I'll skip the medicine and have a cocktail now.
And that's most. I'm working on that. I was really bad alcoholic, so just to drink a little bit is bad enough, but, you know, having a beer or two and, and, you know, it. There's a lot of things that they don't. That you don't do, but you be the best behind you can be. You know, you can defend yourself. You can do this, you know, but it's a lot of things that they pride upon. I'm working on a, but as far as, like, unity with, with people that go out and talk to people, I think we're all like, no, I don't know, racism, no more anti semitism, none of that stuff that needs to go, you know, if we can work together as behind us work together and, you know, I work nowadays with special needs young men and women. That's my big passion now, special Olympics. We working with the special needs young men and women around where I live. And we, we just do, I do stuff with them, like Saturday, Sundays, usually. I spend a special Olympics next weekend. I want to be gone doing stuff with them, and I enjoy it. If we could do the world through their eyes, it's like, oh, there's Aidan, my friend. Give me a hug. Oh, and I see, you know, I like him. You know, unless you hurt them, everybody you see in black, they don't care what color you are. They don't care what religion you are. There's my friend. I want to give them a hug if we can look at the world in their eyes. That's a baha'I face that love everybody for who they are. And I was a. Yes. Was I racist? Yes, absolutely. We had a name for everybody when I was growing up, especially my younger age, you know, but we also learned respect. If you gave me, I give you respect until you disrespect me. But I learned no care what race they are. Eddie would put this in me that give respect. I don't care if they're black. I don't care if they're jewish. I don't care if they give them respect.
If they respect you, then you respect them.
You know, we worked with the gangs out there we were. One thing we had was no drugs. No drug. Don't let the gangs. I can't say the words he used, but the gang. Sell to the gang, down to their neighborhood, and. But we would get a percentage into working in our territory. And when we did things, we would give them a respectful percentage. So we worked together, and it didn't matter if the gangs bias were 90% black.
We work together, and he's respecting. And under the high faith, there is no color. We're colorblind, and that's the way to like the world. Should we get rid of racism? We don't need that shit. We don't need anti semitism, you know, we don't need this cancer culture and all that stuff. We just got to work together as a friend. That's what really drew me into the Baha'I faith.
[00:52:21] Speaker B: Nice. Nice.
Now, you've actually taken all of your life story, and you've put that into a book that's called conflicting loyalties.
What message do you hope readers take away from your book?
[00:52:37] Speaker A: Well, what I want to talk about, you know, I hope they have, is that they think that, hey, there is somebody out there getting the bad police officers and politicians, and there's the fact that they could start out in being in crime. They could be a very bad person. A very bad person, and they can go 90 degrees or 180 and just be a better person. They can come out of that dark, that dark place I was in, in the shadows, into the light, and be a productive part of society. That, yes, there are people out there, because nowadays in law enforcement, one bad police officers make 100,000 good men and women in law enforcement bad. Oh, my God. They're all bad police officers. They're going to do this to me.
99% of the police officers in the United States are not bad people. You know, you may have 5% that abuse your authority, but that's it. But that little percentage makes everybody look bad. And I want to make sure that people understand that there are people taking out of bad police officers. I want to people understand that you could be bad and come into the light. Religion spiritually will help you. You could find a love of your life. You may think, I'm never going to find love. I'm. You know, this sucks. Yeah, my first marriage sucked. We weren't truly meant for each other. But then you find a love of your life, you know, even though Sabrina, when she was 16 years old, and not knowing this, I was an officer. I just started out not to. I was a couple years in, I had a call for a drug for an underage at a. At a club. 16 year old, bring her. She was kind of crying and not really, you know, it's like more of a sobbing. She's just like, oh, my God. I'm trying to talk to her. Like, this girl's cute.
Not knowing. Until her uncle said, yeah, hey, she got arrested, Tom, by an officer. It was me. I arrested her when I was in my late twenties and she was 16.
And then 22 years later, we meet and her uncle's like, yeah, because he was a police officer. He goes, she was arrested. And give me a date. I look it up. It was me. Arrested her. No.
So whatever that sympathy, beauty, whatever. But you could find this. I want my book to let people know that there is hope. But you know what? It's a screwed up life. I didn't want to write this book. I'm going to tell you right now. I did this kicking. My buddy Sam said, therapeutically, write the book. You know, he knows about 85% of what I did in my life, maybe nine. But he said, write a book. This is a messed up life. I didn't know. I knew some of the stuff you're doing, but, wow. Because, you know, Don, same thing. Don, who helped me not knowingly until I talked him about it several years ago, and he beat the crap out of me, give me information, not knowing I was doing what I was doing because I couldn't talk to him about it. And the other crack tells Sam, and they're like, wow, we figured something, but ain't. We didn't know until, you know, that makes sense because everything. Yeah, that makes exact sense, because what was happening is right around you realize you were the cause of the chaos. And I didn't want to write the book, but they said, therapy, write the book. And, you know, it's a memoir. So when I wrote the book with. With a ghost rider, and I, you know, it's. Oh, I remember this. Oh, yeah, there was that. Oh, yeah, you're going down. So we had everything, right? And they sent over what we were doing. And my. My wife are reading. She's like, seriously, you're not going to keep it this way. Like, what are you talking about? You're 16, you're 28, you're 14, you're 20, you're. You're back to 22. Then you're back to 14.
You're all over the place. It's not flowing. I'm like, well, you know, we'll get together. So she put it together. And made a flow and when they turned it in the public like, wow, you did a really great job doing this. I'm like, yeah, I didn't do any of it.
But again, with my book, I want people to know that, that there is people out there to stop this and that there is hope that you could be in, in the darkest place that spiritually there is something spiritual. If you use a spiritually, go talk to a priest, go talk to a rabbi, go talk to whatever it is with the Muslim, go talk to a police officer if you have problems or even, you know, talk to a community leader, talk to somebody. Don't keep it in yourself and go through the dark times of attempting suicide. And everything I've done, that if you talk to somebody, maybe spiritually, you'll find that and it's going to help you. And it also that, you know what? There's not bad. All police officers aren't bad. There's people taking the bad ones out.
That's why I hope the message will be brought with the book.
[00:57:53] Speaker B: Good. Yeah, it's a good message. I've got one question for you though, Aidan. Do you think that part of your book is being able to give forgiveness to yourself for all you've done?
[00:58:04] Speaker A: You know, I'm going to be honest, I have no regrets.
[00:58:08] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:58:09] Speaker A: I might have changed a couple things, but I wouldn't be at this point in my life where I am right now if I wouldn't have done what I've done.
Yes, I believe it's given me some.
It's let me open up. So I'm not as. As bad as I was keeping everything in, you know? Um, I think that biggest part. Yeah, you're right. I think it does. It's going to help a little bit with me bringing it out myself mentally. Um, but I, again, I, like I said, I don't regret everything I've done.
Oh. But that's, that's how I feel with it right now.
[00:58:56] Speaker B: Nice. It sounds like you're actually coming into a great place of peace with this. So that's, that's a good thing.
Now we're coming towards the end of the podcast. Aiden, thank you so much for everything that you shared. I just wanted to ask you, how can people find your book? I can see it here. It's on Amazon and it's got 124 ratings of 4.8 stars. That's fantastic. So is that the best place for people to find your book?
[00:59:20] Speaker A: No, actually the best place to find is conflictingroyalties.com. that will tell you. It'll tell you every mantra. It's in everywhere from Barnes and nobles to Amazon to target. You get. It tells you everywhere you can go, and it'll tell you the best place to buy it for the best price. It will also tell you a little bit about the book and explain that you may, you know, let me see what kind of book this is. It will explain both conflicting royalties.com is the best place to go for it.
[00:59:50] Speaker B: Excellent. Okay, thank you. What I'll do is I'll put that link in the show notes. And I just want to thank you for sharing of your story and. And your. Your wisdom around how you've changed and how you've. You know, your coming to faith has actually helped you to find peace in your life as well. So thank you so much for coming on the show, Aidan. It's been. It's very appreciated.
[01:00:11] Speaker A: You know, CJ, thank you for having me on. It was an honor being the show. And again, thank you so much, sir.
[01:00:16] Speaker B: All right. Okay, I'll just say goodbye, the listeners.
If you've enjoyed today's show with Aiden, please. Yeah. Like and subscribe, that'd be really good. I feel like that on the pointing down on the video for YouTube, Aiden had to obviously scramble his voice and he's. He wasn't actually present. He didn't present an image of himself during that whole time because of the work that he's done in the past because, you know, there's probably a lot of people that aren't so happy with him exposing them and such. So. Yeah.
Yeah, what a story. It's mind boggling. And just. It's interesting, that part when he is talking about his mother and what she went through during the Second World War and how it turned her into a warrior s basically. And that pretty much put a signature into her timeline, which was fed through into Aiden, which made him into the character that he was as well. So all power to him for discovering all of that part of the story, of himself, gave him greater understanding. And then that also speaks to how we've got to work on our shadow and our ancestral lines, because if we don't, then, and some of the reactions and actions that we take are. Are coming from these, what would you call, like, marks upon our genetic history. So if you've been enjoy today's show, as I said before, like, and subscribe, and if you're in the podcast app, please give us five stars. That'd be really awesome. You know, I mean, most people won't even do that, but you know, share. Share it to one friend. That'd be cool, too. And I've appreciated the time that you've shared by listening to the show. So, yeah. Until next episode. Bye for now.
[01:02:51] Speaker A: Stupid.
