Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You get it. The more, the more, the more free you are, the more you're for you and the more loving you are. So that starts. I would say the first thing is let's just do an audit. You know, let's start with a circle. Who are you more comfortable to be you around, starting with your relationship? Because when I'm talking about being, it's kind of like. Cause true intimacy happens when both parties are willing to be seen. So if at all, you are willing and open for your partner to see you, and they're not fully open for you to see them or the other one, then there's no true intimacy.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: Welcome to Super Normalize the podcast, where we challenge the conventional break boundaries and normalize the seemingly supernatural. Join me, CJ Barnaby, in the liminalist space to explore less charted realms of existence and to unravel the mysteries of life. Experience each episode I'm blessed with the opportunity to talk to regular people from across the world, where they openly share their understanding and wisdom in service to others. If you're looking to upgrade your life, you've come to the right place. Be sure to like and subscribe, and I'll bring you great transforming conversations each week. My treasured viewers and listeners. If you have a life story or healing modality or unique knowledge that you'd love to share, reach out to me at supernormalizedroton me. Let's together embrace acceptance of the supernatural and unusual, what it really is completely normal. Today on super normalized we have how Mosemi, a certified professional in various disciplines, including change management and communication, and stands out as a transformative force. This conversation is extremely deep.
It's deep in such a way that will touch, I think, everyone. And the reason why I say that is because what happens is how explains her story of change and transformation and connection to authenticity in such a way that you'll self identify with it and realize that there is possibly better ways of actually communicating with ourselves and our partners. And yeah, that's her expertise is being authentic, I think, and recovering that connection to the flow of the universe, which in the end actually boosts your sexuality as well. So if that's something that interests you, and I'm sure it will be because it is such a great conversation, just keep on listening.
Welcome to Supernormalized Hao Maseme. How we've been in contact and you told me part of your life story when it came to the difficulties and challenges you're having in a toxic relationship and then getting yourself released from that. I mean, you had a bit of a rough time being separated from your kids, and then because of all of this severe trauma and tension that came from that, you found a new way in life. You decided to help people because you helped yourself out of a toxic relationship, and now you actually help people to also recover their connection to their sexuality and truth in life. So welcome to the show. We want to hear your story.
[00:04:12] Speaker A: Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. I normally love to start this with greetings, and I do that in my native language. So dumelang, dumelang, dumelang Lokaida. I come from Botswana in southern Africa, and Jumelang is agreed. Lokai is more like, where are you? Locate yourself. And I love it because we are here at supernormalized. So today we're hitting off straight with a question. What are you agreeing to when you're showing up at supernormalized, and where are you? Are you fully here with us? As in, like, body, mind and heart, or part of you still holding into should have been, could have been and all that. So with that, I'm just inviting you to be present with us. But most importantly, even if you're doing something, I invite you to connect more to the body. And don't listen with the history of what you know, because we often are in the mind and we tap into everything that we've always known, which means we keep on repeating the same thing. We know too much, but there is no transformation. So today, agree to let your body to communicate with you. Let your body inform you. Let your body tell you something that you've never known. And it might be a sensation. It might be that fear that is showing up, like, around your pelvic boom area, because that's where the energy is. It may be in the throat of you expressing your truth. It may be just a fear of. I don't know what this means, so let's just be in that not knowing. So thanks for having me.
[00:05:40] Speaker B: Wow, that was a great introduction to the show. And I love that greeting because it actually does help people to be here now.
Yeah. Can you share your journey and how you found your calling in empowering individuals?
[00:06:00] Speaker A: Yeah. My journey started with just like anyone's journey, where we are born into a family and we are taught who we are and what is coming through is like saying, you know, I grew up in a perfect family. My mom loved me, dad loved me. I was. It was just all, yeah, just lovely. You know, that's what we desire. Right.
But, yeah, it was one of, I say I grew up in a very dysfunctional family in its own unique way. And we all have that unique dysfunction somehow, even though it may not be normal. And I love that we are super normalized. So at times. At times, we run away from this. So I was just the child who was born in a very traditional family, and I just. I was just born as the queen that I am, knowing who I am and being unapologetic about who I am, and only to realize that the world does not really receive us as we are. The world is very good at molding as to who we, what is expected, how we should be, you know? So I received that back and forth, push and pull between my mom of, you are not like my other children, which is, I would say, one or the other is the dance that took away from maybe the relationship that could have been between me and her. And at the core of this, it's like that Patrick wound, because the mother wound is coming from the Patrick wound, where we are working by the rules. But the question is, whose rules is there, Patrick rules? Or this is how a girl has to be. This is how you have to dress. So I grew up fighting for me to be me. And I thought, I have won that battle, only to realize that what the universe was showing back, that mirror, was telling me that you are not being your true self. I found myself in toxic relationships because when you don't receive acceptance from your own family, you're going to seek it outside, but often, because you don't know how to accept yourself, you don't even know how that looks like you wanna find it outside, you're gonna seek outside, but you're gonna find it from people who somehow are at the same level that you are at, who don't know who they are. They've not accepted. Accepted themselves or they feel outside us, actually. It's like we're gonna bond in our families like this. We're gonna have the common enemy of us not being accepted. That trauma bonding. So that's where I found myself. And it doesn't only. It didn't only happen in the traumatic relationship, it also happened at work. And it's quite interesting because it sounded like I had two personalities. Not being. Not feeling fully accepted created this going out of the world and wanting to be this perfect, you know, loving, always smiling. I was. I've got a good smile. I gotta give myself that. But I was using it. I was using it as a. As a protective mechanism, you know, where I'm smiling, but yet I. Within. Maybe there's some ways that are coming through. I'm angry or I'm feeling doubtful because most of the time I was actually living in my mind. Doubt if I say something. Then from there I'm gonna go over it. But why did you say it? You're so stupid. You know, so it was more like self. Self approval. Self approval. Mask. A rescue. A mask wanting to rescue other people. It's kind of like I have to buy a love. I'm gonna give you all of me, and maybe you'll accept me, you know? So I operated from that. And the music happened when I call it the magic, which for some people is kind of like it was catastrophe or whatever. But for me it happened when I lost my corporate job. And it's quite interesting because when it started, it was a rumor. And at first I was, like, afraid. And then I started now getting the reality of there is a change that is happening in this company. Every three years, they bring a new CEO, and it depends on what the CEO wants, and they do what they do. So I got into that company because they were introducing something new. So as part of that, that community that built something new. And here I am three years later that said, into downsize and all that. And I'm like, oh, shit, where am I going? But my human was scared, but my soul was dancing. There was a part of me that was celebrating that moment. I didn't even know what, I didn't know why or what even my expectations are, but I was excited. And within that time, I had a dream that was kind of like it somehow defined my path. I didn't know why I had a dream at the time, but it's just like my life where I was growing up, I had this intuition at times. I saw things before they happened, this premonitions and all that. But my younger brother had an accident where he died. And it was so real. It was so real because even when I was crying, I was reciting the conversations we had. A. So I spoke to him and told him, oh, my God, I had this dream and you died. And this is what I was talking about. And he just, oh, how I'm just here. I'm gonna be here for a long time. Which I loved his response, because at the end of the day, whether you meet a psychic or whoever, no matter what they tell you, you've got a choice to choose how it's gonna be. So I loved his response. And two weeks later, he had that accident. And I remember he was in the hospital and I saw him lying there. And I got home and I started boiling and I cried and I said, goddess, save him, and I'll do whatever that I came to do. So for me, I believe that was the defining moment of me choosing this work, because at the core of my being, I always knew that I'm a healer and I was running from it because it's weird. And even at home, when I started sharing even the dreams and many experiences, I was just told, oh, you need to go to church because you may be called to be a traditional doctor. So it was kind of like, don't accept that part of us, you know, just go to church. And the running away from myself, I believe, is what led me to be, to make decisions and choices that got me into that pain. I lost myself in trying to run away from myself. But through that, that running away from myself, it's like everything fell apart and it was falling apart for me to find me. And I didn't know. At times we are called by something. I didn't know what I was saying yes to when I said my soul was excited. Because after that accident, then came this trial, which led me to being separated from my children. And that was, for me, a very painful and the moment of shame. Because as a woman, if you are somehow separated with your children, people respond differently from when I say, I've lost my child, my child died. It's kind of like, oh, I'm sorry, but when you say, judicially, I've been separated with my children, it's kind of like, hmm, what is it? That she's nothing. Yeah.
[00:12:46] Speaker B: So this inspired you to specialize in helping individuals break free from generational toxic relationship patterns because basically you went through such a severe trauma yourself.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's quite interesting because especially when you're talking about purpose calling, you know, what we seek, even if you don't know what at a soul level is always seeking us. Because for me, I mean, I loved accounting in the sense of an identity and how it was perceived in the society, just the role in the status. I'm an accountant and I work at this big corporate company, whatever, you know. But on the other hand, it was not giving me life.
I hated it.
I loved the money, but at the same time, because I hated it, even with the money, I received it. But I was just always giving away, borrowing people and all that, I didn't enjoy it. So for me to end up doing this, I would say it's an agreement that I had. Because even when I was going through that, that change and that pain, I still remember at some point, I was just, this voice came through and said, it's time for you to do what you came here to do. So I was like, okay, so what is that? And I was basically taken out of my body. And at that moment, I got to connect with people. The cries, the pain. It's quite interesting because that's exactly what I do when I connect with someone. I feel everything that is going on within themselves. So I went there and connected with all this. And I also perceived a part of me, like that soul when it was coming here. And I was crying, like, I don't want to be born in this world. It's just so I myself fully crying and not wanting to be here. So it was like I was shown this is how you were you afraid of being on this earth because of the pain that is here on earth, and here are the people that are suffering. And when I was brought back into my body, the question was, do you want to live in this world with the gift that you have and not use it?
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Oh, that's intense.
And how did you step up? What happened?
[00:15:05] Speaker A: I mean, it's confusing at the same time because as much as, like, I mean, we know what we know, but at the same time, it's kind of like, how the fuck did I start this? Where do I even begin? So my question was, but what, what, what do I do? Or even, what do I tell people, you know? And how it came through was just basically teach people a new way of being. For me, that's like, that was like, the response and how the f. Does that look like? I don't even know. But the good thing is, it's not. What I know is what are my experiences? You know, as a woman who went through being secreted with my children. And the first time, I mean, I still remember the first time I experienced out of body experience. I first started seeing papers, like, clean papers, and they were just up here. And I'm like, like, I know I'm meant to write, but I'm like, what am I writing? And then from there, I just heard this voice asking me, how about technology? And I'm like, okay, technology. What? And then immediately, I was out of my body. I was like, oh, my God. I went back. I was scared and I was broke.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Are you back there? You are interesting.
I do know.
[00:16:18] Speaker A: Something happens because energy are like.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: Yeah, you got, you got the whole world excited then.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: That's true.
So when I felt the nudge to write, and I started writing, and the question was just, who are you without your religion, your mother, your father, your house, your car, your job, and all this thing is coming through. But at that moment, I was enjoying it. Like, this is good, because kind of like I knew I'm gonna share with the people, but I'm like, this is good. I started writing all sorts of things, and then, who are you without your children? That's when my pen felt like I'm holding charcoal or something. I threw the pen. I'm like, what?
[00:17:04] Speaker B: That's a big question.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: Yeah. That hit home. Who am I? And I started crying. But the pain, the grief was coming from deep, from my soul, because I felt lost.
I didn't know who I was. And for many generations, women have been esteemed by their children. They have been valued, depending on whether you're gonna have a child or not. And in my culture, where I come from, I mean, now it's better. But there are times where women were forced to either accept the second wife or be divorced because they can't give birth. So at that moment, I connected with the deep pain of barren women.
And the question, as well, it goes to anyone who is listening. What is it that you identify with, and who are you without that? Because the truth of it is, self esteem comes from deep within us. It doesn't come from anything, even if it may be a partner that truly loves you. But at the end of the day, you can't rely on someone, because no matter how much they love you, there's going to be a point where someone. Someone is going to leave the earth before the other. Then when death comes, we can't run away from it, you know? So that was, like, one of those defining moment. And the message was just that simple, which is basically that new way of being, you know, find who you are without our children. You are angry at everybody because you believe these children belongs to you, but they don't belong to you. They are on their path. Are you willing to find your own?
[00:18:43] Speaker B: That's huge.
[00:18:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: I need to get back to.
[00:18:53] Speaker A: Yeah, we need to feel it, because I can feel the energy going down into the. Into the solar plexus, the power center, and it goes down into the body and feels like I'm bloated. But this is the energy of everyone who is here. Like, there is that energy of now. There is a conflict between what I know to be what I believe I am and who we truly are. You know, there's a conflict here that is happening and let that sit in.
[00:19:27] Speaker B: That's deep. How?
Like, yeah, they have their own path that is something that a lot of parents need to hear as well. Right?
Yeah.
[00:19:38] Speaker A: Say that again.
[00:19:41] Speaker B: Exactly. Exactly.
[00:19:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:51] Speaker B: So where did you go from there? I mean, this is. This is huge. I mean, it's like you've stripped away all of who you are by this process.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: Being totally naked, vulnerable, and it's kind of like you'll just be broken into pieces. And that's the moment where the ego actually raises its head. It doesn't just die. It raises its head. It's war. It's a battle. Because you feel like I get to hold so strongly to what I've always known to be truth and fired. All that is coming through, and that's exactly what was happening. I still remember. And it's quite interesting because at that moment, it was like years after I was separated from my children. And one of my things at that moment that I was grateful for was just that. I'm grateful that despite being here in Europe and my children being in Africa, nothing has happened, you know? And it's quite interesting because that was just like, you know, you know, the power of creation. Oh, I'm grateful that my children have not been sick or anything bad has happened, and then, boom, something happens. So at times, it's like, when you're talking about gratitude, how, in what way are you seeing it? You know? So at that, I remember was it. I was at work.
That was when I was still an accountant, because that's the only thing that I knew. And it was an easier way to just continue with what I've always known. When I got here and I received a call, and my ex. It was like, the first time, my ex calling me. And at first I was just like, hmm, weird.
What? And then I answered, and he said, you may need to have a seat for this one.
My heart. Can you still hear me?
[00:21:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:21:39] Speaker A: Okay. I felt my heart directly at the. At my. On my feet, basically, you know, and I. Yeah, I had that sit and listened, and he said, don't panic, but Fiona had an accident. She was bitten by two rot filers, and they've teared some muscles and all that. So right now, we don't even know if she's gonna walk at all.
I couldn't breathe for some time.
But at that moment, the only words that I could utter deep within me, Washington. I'm tired of being strong. I am tired of being strong.
And it's like. It's like just saying that. It was more like, let it go. Let it all go. And I opened up and I realized that I've been strong all along. I didn't feel I've been fighting, and it doesn't get me anywhere because I'm tired and I allowed myself to fail, and I had to go back home.
Yeah, the battle still went on, even in that situation.
But there was a little bit of hope that. Okay, fine. And it's quite interesting. It's quite interesting. It was a bit of. Bit of hope because at times, unconscious parenting, at times when something bad happens, it's like, it's. That's an advantage. Now it's time for me to hit, you know, I mean, it's just a human thing. We just get to look at it and just accept it as it is. So for me, it was like, good. Now the judicial system is just going to see what I've always been afraid of, you know? So I met the social workers at the medical system, and they were willing to help. Took the files, and three days later, the woman said, I'm sorry.
There is something bigger than what you think it is. This is a spiritual battle. If at all you were meant to win this case, you would have. So I can't help, okay? So I did what I could. And guess what? This is the crazy thing. Even I went to the office, another office. I was speaking to the woman while I was in Germany, and she promised to help me. So I went to the office and I assigned someone who's gonna help me. And when I opened the door and got into that office, guess who I found? I came. The person who was assigned to help me was my ex cousin. I was like, God, you kidding me, right?
[00:24:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: The way the world, the weapons work. So I left everything. But still, there was a part of me that was like, I can still maybe appeal for the second time. But when I got here, the message that I got was like, the odds are against you. You're not gonna win.
And I was still angry. What should I do? What do you mean by that? You gotta do the work and forgive. Forgiveness. What?
And I started laughing. The laughter of a flipping crazy woman. And tears were strolling down my cheeks and was like, that's the craziest word I've ever had.
And the question was, do you want your children?
And I said, yeah.
And then that was a moment where it's kind of like I let go because I have no choice. It's kind of like being put against the wall with my threat, my throat being suspended.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: Yeah, if you do something.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: And I'm like, yeah, but I don't know what forgiveness is. I don't know that I don't know how to do that. I don't even know what it means. I don't know. Are you willing? You know, when I say, yeah, and I was just told, you need to follow the guidance as it comes along. You need to go within and you need to forgive every single person. And when you say every single person is kind of like this guy and his whole flipping family, the whole magistrate and everyone involved, the whole social workers and all the fucking lawyers, that didn't help me because, you know, it's kind of like a lot of people. So I'm like, oh, shit. Because even when you're talking about my ex, he was in a relationship with his sister in law. So when the children were moved, we moved to the sister in law's place, which for me is kind of like it was not in alignment with morals. So it's like, are you flipping crazy? So everyone who accepted that, I just, I hated them at that moment. Let's just use the word as it is. I hated a lot of people at that moment. So when they say everyone involved, I was like, I don't even know what that is. So I, I listened because my next question was just like, how am I going to know that I've forgiven? The heart will open and you'll have your children back. That was the promise that was made by my higher self. And somehow it's kind of like heart open. I mean, it's not logical, though. I hear you, but it doesn't make any sense. What makes sense was going to the lawyers like I did, but I didn't win. You know, at times we do that, but I decided to trust because I don't have any choice. I've tried all things and nothing has worked. And so seeing what the situation that my daughter was in, I had no choice because I just knew that I have to find a way to make this work. So I continued with that. And here's the importance of me bringing in the forgiveness.
We are quick to say, when someone says something, oh, just forgive. Like either, whether you're a coach, a spiritual mentor, a parent, a friend, we are quick to say, oh, just forgive that person and move. And especially in this light and love thing bubble that we have, you know, it's just light and love, just forgive that person. Fuck that shit. Let's just say forgiveness is not important. It's a big key. But don't use forgiveness as a manipulation. You know, where it's kind of like. Because I know that forgiveness works. I'm gonna forgive when you do that and you deny the person who is here, the aspect of yourself that is hurting, you are doing to that aspect what everyone has done to that aspect. The magic is acknowledging all aspects of yourself, no matter how dark it is, no matter how unsexy it is. Because when we're talking about anger and all that and wanting to kill the other, that's like, the first thing that we do when somebody does something. I'm not saying, go do that, but I'm just saying acknowledge how you feel in the moment. Because magic happens. Even any healing, it happens with us being with the pain that we are in. So when you think that, okay, fine, I'm gonna forgive, I hear people say to me, oh, I'll just forgive that person always, just like I have forgiven that person. And you can tell even from that, no, no, no. You know, but the music is even. Like I said, I was just vulnerable, honest in my wounded authenticity. That. That's crazy. Whoever that you call yourself, you flipping insane, because I don't even know what the heck you mean. So start acknowledging the part of you that is hurting. Otherwise, you are doing to eat what everybody has done to you. And the worst betrayal is of the self. And forgiveness is not a mind game, but it's that letting go, that surrendering into the unknown that's diving deep within yourself. Because I can't tell you that this is what I did to have forgiven, but I kind of, like, pulled my attention from anyone and everyone, and I did exactly the work that I'm doing with other people that is working on myself, seeing my shadows, facing my shadows anytime. I was just laughing at that. Yeah, that warrior that wanted to take life. Because I was just told, this is not who you are. But it's easier to hate. It's easier to want to kill somebody. This is why there's so much darkness in the world. And it's easier for us to get it and judge it from somebody else rather than saying that, yeah, that's. That's me. That's me who wanted to kill. If I knew how, if it was that easy, I would have done it. You know, and we say it, especially as mothers, I would kill for my children. And other people will be like, yeah, you have the right. It's justified, you know, but we are not willing to move every single mountain for us to live for our children, not just be present, but fully leave. So I would say that's the work that I did. Because I didn't know the woman who at some point, when that guy was going through shit was on her altar, inviting those guys, ancestors and whatever guides and saying, please guide him into the life my children needs. Our father. I was a different woman when I sent money to support him and my children. That was not me. I didn't know who I was. But that's who I've always been. We are love even though we are afraid of it or we are afraid of pain. But the true. The core of it is what pains us is not the love. It's, uh. We are afraid of loving someone who we cannot be with or loving someone who treat us like shit. So we decide to lock them in the corner and make them all this big monster, you know? But the magic is in us loving ourselves, because it is a part of us that fell in love with that person. Like I was asked, but what part of you attracted him? You know? Because at the end of the day, all that is outside is showing us what is within us, whether we want to hear it or not.
[00:30:53] Speaker B: Well, that speaks to the deep understanding of being truly authentic with yourself and with others.
Yeah. Yeah. Because anything outside of that just isn't truth.
Yeah.
Wow.
So you did this to yourself and realized all of the benefits of living in this absolute truth, and you decided to start taking this understanding and helping others.
[00:31:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:34] Speaker A: Because for me, this was elevation. This was elevation when I just looked at it. I mean, when you're in the moment, at times, there is that resistance, and you don't want to listen to that. You resent it. You resent even what is happening. It's wrong. It's not fair. Life is not fair. Let's just deal with it. And it's true that you've been had. Shit happened. But at the end of the day, the question is, does it serve you for you to hold into that story and play it so many times? Or you would rather choose to embody your superhuman, your extraordinary being, your queen, your king, you know, because that's what is more expensive. The rest it can be. It creates a lot of people who can bond with us and understand us, which is like that bonding in misery, you know? But on the other hand, the moment you release that, because at a collective consciousness level, there is an agreement of that suffering, of this is happening to us, whatever the US is to you. But the moment you disconnect and realize I'm the fucking creator, how powerful is that for me? I feel like that's the best thing that I ever had. You are the creator. You are God. And I still remember when I first heard it, I was like, I'm God. And my ego was like, I am God. And then I felt this fear of responsible for everybody because, like, everybody's like, praying, God, punish him for God. Give me. Oh, no, no, no. Only to realize that this God is the God that is responsible for me. My actions, my choices, my decisions. Right?
[00:32:58] Speaker B: Huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really big responsibility point. Because, I mean, I think what happens with some people is, like, they can reach that God aspect and then go wrathful. But if you actually take it from a pure, authentic point, you realize that you're creating everything. And when you are creating everything, you're responsible for all your own pain, too. Huh?
[00:33:25] Speaker A: Listen to. We love the power, but of it, like, oh, I'm a great. And you think I'm gonna create a car that I want, that house? What about that castle? Oh, my God, I'm gonna have a beautiful girlfriend or exciting guy with muscle. And then it's come, like, responsibility. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No one wants that.
[00:33:45] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Because you got to be really careful when you hit that point because, you know, the magic makes reality. So.
Yeah. And we always seem to get what we pray for, even if we don't consciously know we're praying for it.
[00:33:59] Speaker A: Oh, yes.
I was just saying that because I'm one person who I loved from since I was a child. I love. I loved playing with all these things. And I still remember even the world of dreams.
For me to know that there is something definitely bigger than what we are told. I would have a dream, and then it's not complete. And because of so many dreams, at some point I was just like, hmm, I want to know what happens because this dream stopped here. I was still a child, so I was like, this dream stopped here. I want to continue. And then second day, we continued. And then from them, like, I want to continue from that second. And then I was like, oh, shit, this thing is real. You know? But my question was at the same time, but, God, why do you always show me bad things that end up happening? I wanted to know that, you know, why. Why bad things and why do they always happen? Because if you show me something, I should have the power to stop it, you know, somehow. So that is kind of like what was also guiding me. And I still remember, even when it comes to this toxic relationship thing, I. At some point, I was just tired. But yeah, I bought two children with this guy. We are not married. And people are saying that, oh, yeah, after two children, you can't find someone else or just men are just like. Like that. So I was just, like, conflicted because I was in pain as I was, like, pain of being cheated on, pain of not having a supportive partner in that relationship, being a single. I was tired and I said, God, I want to know. Show me the truth. Is this the man that I'm meant to be with?
And it was on a Monday, on a Friday. My phone is ringing, and I'm just picking it up still in that slumber of sleep, but somehow answer. I mean, I didn't answer. I didn't say anything. I just answered and just kept quiet. And this guy is calling his girlfriend, saying and telling her how much he loves her and all that and all that. And at the end, I said, hello. And then he dropped the phone. That was the father of my children. That was my boyfriend, and he called me, and that was going, God, saying that, you want to know? Here it is.
And because I didn't feel worthy, I still accepted all the shit excuses, but I knew he was lying to me. But because I didn't feel worthy, I accepted it. And the truth of it is, you receive what you tolerate.
[00:36:22] Speaker B: Oh, that burns.
That's huge. That's huge.
[00:36:30] Speaker A: That's what. That's what sauce told me. Like, that was just like an exit. It happened so many times. And for me to get the hell out of that relationship, that was hell on its own, was I. I mean, the guidance is always there. I just felt this nudge the other time, like, check his email. It was not saying out loud, but it was just this push check his email. And I typed and then come in. The login password. I don't know his password.
That was the perfect one. It opened, and I checked his email.
And then I skipped some. I read some. There were many girlfriends, and I skipped some. And I got home. I didn't have Internet at home. I got home and there was this question. Why did you skip the one that you skipped?
Okay, tomorrow I went back and read the ones that I skipped. That was the conversation between him and his sister in law. So they were going out all along, playing in my face, and there was still souls that he's saying that. Wake the fuck up.
[00:37:31] Speaker B: Oh, so you were being pushed by the spirits. You know, you're. And they're saying. They're trying to take the. Take the wool out of your eyes. Really?
[00:37:43] Speaker A: How magical. And this is why, for me, this is like the elevation part when I say I help people to break through from all generational parents and imprints all those that has been playing all the time that we know as normal, you know, so that we can connect to that supernormal, you know, which is like that extraordinary, that weirdness that we call it, because we are always being guided here. I was, even afterwards I got married, you know, but as much as I was married, I mean, 70%, my marriage was perfect. It was like the normal perfect marriage. Like, oh, yeah, there's always problem and all that. But the 30% was not like. It was like a huge part of who I am being. I'm being called to my path, but here I am with my then husband who said, you're flipping crazy. This is bullshit. You know, this does not exist. The only thing that is real is the science. Are you flipping crazy? That's a fantasy. You're just being stupid, you know, and the more you are told all these things, it disconnects you from your truth. And I remember, let me just say Rwanda and Albert before we got married, I kind of, like, knew what I knew. I just knew that I don't think this will work. I knew who I saw and. But the rescuer mask, which is that wound that wants to help someone, rescue someone, you know, even when I connect to the timeline and see this, what is possible, you know, it's what's possible. It's in the timeline. It's in the pipeline, even, you know, it's possible. But the question is, is the person open and willing to give birth to that? Or they stop thinking where they are? Are you falling in love with who is in front of you? Or you are falling in love with potential. He's got potential. She's got potential.
[00:39:24] Speaker B: We're dropping the truth, bobs. It's so good.
[00:39:29] Speaker A: Right? So.
And that's magical. So when I was saying those vows, deep down, I was like, what the fuck are you even saying? What are you trying here? I just knew. But I was just like, yeah, I do that to us, but what the fuck? Because, I mean, of course I just knew that. You fucking fooling yourself, you know? So here we are, this big path. Who I am is calling me, even when I share this magical orgasmic expansion that I'm experiencing in my. In my meditations and all that. The next thing we start fighting about, you can't go meditate. We have to cuddle. Come on. I'm gonna meditate for 30 minutes or so, and then I'm gonna come and continue. You know, it's like all those things started happening, and the first time, I was just. It kind of like I was observing me and him.
And at that moment, I felt like with whatever that we shared, and there was a part of me, like I was losing my breath, I couldn't breathe.
And then I was like, yeah.
Source is just telling me that maybe I'm just being harsh on him.
I'm just talking too much. I just need to let him be and just allow the peace to reign, you know? That is just my wound. That was my wound that I wanted to work so badly. Maybe if I behave and be a good girl, it's gonna work out. Oh, God. Bullshit.
And then now comes the point where, what are you gonna let go of? And I remember talking to someone. Someone said, come on, it's just meditation. Why don't you just do that? Only when he's away and all that, and we buy into this thing, I'm gonna appear as this person here, and this is who I really am. Yeah. But for me to sustain the relationship, I'm gonna play that. I'm. Whatever fact that you are not, you know, it's not expansive. You can't give birth to anything in that energy, you know? And guess what? After we went, we separate for some time. And then at some point, I just. I was just laying in bed, and I had some noise in the living room. And all of a sudden, this man walks in. And when I saw him, I felt this fear, like, oh, shit, I'm now in touch with this monster, whatever, that he was appearing as. And then he comes through, and I saw he's holding a brown envelope. And I looked at. I looked at him. He came to the side of bed where he normally sleeps. But then as he approached me, he knelt down and he started weeping. He cried. He cried. So I'm conflicted. What do I do?
And I want to extend my hand and hug my hand and hug him. Like, it's going to be okay. We're going to figure it out. And he pushed my hand and left. And then I woke up. That was a dream. I woke up.
What is this?
And then I think, two, three days later, I just have this much to go for a walk. I go to walk. When I come back, I check the mailbox, I pick it up. It's a envelope. Divorce Tadae.
[00:42:34] Speaker B: Wow. So you. You've been left high and dry, basically, because. Because it was like, to say the truth of it, it wasn't your path.
You weren't being truthful to yourself. And it was revealed.
[00:42:49] Speaker A: Yeah. And that was just me being me. And we had a choice in that relationship because at times, it's like, who is more dominant? If someone is more dominant, saying that who you are being is bullshit. And you, you fickle, you know, it's kind of like, I don't know, I'm shaky. I don't know what you believe, then you still. They're gonna kind of like. They absorb you, you know, and you start giving that truth. But I was more standing here and saying, this is who I am, and I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna suppress that part. And he said, you, middle finger. But here's the thing again with the part of him that was. That was weeping for me. What. That. What came through, it was like, truly, it's not something that he wanted, but at the same time, at a soul level, there is nothing that he can do. He has to get out of the way so that my path can continue. You know? And at times, it's just like that. We meet people, no matter what we want to hold into. If it all is not in alignment, in agreement for us to be in that relationship, it's not going to happen. And even if I take you back to some years before that, there is a time when I just traveled. So travel. And I was just, like, out there in the universe, and I met this flipping unconditional, orgasmic, romantic love. It was something that words cannot describe.
And when I got back into my body, I looked on my side and I saw my husband, and I felt this guilt, and I asked myself, am I cheating on him? What the fuck is happening here?
Because I honored it with something bigger than. And the love that I've never experienced in reality. And that was my soulmate. That was like, that imprint that was happening. We have an agreement. There is something better for you. And this is the aspect that I've been connecting with. And I know the stars are aligning. It's just a matter of time before we meet. So at times, you get to release what you don't really deserve so that something new can come through. But at times, it may take a while because you have to become the person that is in. Aligned with receiving that king or that queen in your life.
[00:45:05] Speaker B: That's huge.
[00:45:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
Wild.
So this is a healing of generational trauma spreading through all of your ancestors and all of time to get you to a point of pure authenticity with yourself and with your. And giving you an alignment in life.
And now you're at that point. You're at that point now where you're actually helping other people with this.
And so you must have, like, processes that you do or methods that you employ when what happens? Like, let's just. Let's just do a bit of a play here. So what happens when somebody meets with you to actually do work? How do you work with them?
[00:45:55] Speaker A: That's a good question. Because every question, every time that question comes, I have to drop into my body. So I think there's a lot of things that I mentioned earlier about the energy, where it is.
So how do I work with people? I step into the auric fields, let me say, when you're talking about african, asian quantum medicine, if you've had stories of how healing has been done in ancient times, how Africans have done healing, that's how I do it. So I step into energetic folds and see what the heck is going on. Because even right now, as I'm speaking, there is pain that is coming through around the waist. And for me, that takes me to the root of not feeling safe in the body. So I, as much as I can have a conversation with somebody, they are more having a conversation with your energetic thoughts, with your body, with whatever aspects that needs to be seen. You know, at times someone says something, but when you connect with the body and all that is going on, it says a different story. So I'm connecting to your unique signature frequency, your authentic business, and all aspects that may be hurting, you know, so I step into the body to see what's going on. And I would say when it comes to the. The pillars that I follow, because when you are a human being, you are born into a family. You take a name. This is you as first name, your surname. You know, there are all those old Templates that we are born into. And all those things take away your freedom. I activate that freedom of individuality, where you get to disconnect from the collective consciousness, from the ancestral beliefs in prisons and parents. And you align with your unique signature frequency, whether it's a relationship blueprint, spiritual blueprint, rather than operating from whatever that is coming, that has been coming through. And another, what I activate as well is that magnetic confidence that is connecting with that inner child who may have been told that they are. It's not safe for them to be who they are, deny the truth, because when you are with parents who deny you your truth, you gonna. You're not gonna trust your truth. You know, even if something is coming through that is true for you, you wanna follow other people, and at times, as well, you carry other people's baggages, because it's kind of like I'm gonna take this pain, this burden from you. Maybe you're going to give me something. So I release all of that. So that you can activate that magnetic confidence, that unapologetic being of yours. Because when you're talking about the inner child is an aspect of yourself that knows the vision that you truly have. That are here to give birth to. And the magic is also in the sexual energy important that sexual sovereignty. Because this is who we are. This is the energy of. This is life force. Energy is the energy of connection, of pleasure, of creation. So with the shame that we have agreed with at a collective level. Because even when you look at the cultural, societal teaching, religious teaching, they often teach us to disconnect from this. And when it comes here, even I look at that. When I look at the masculine, the feminine energy, which is often or for many generations, the men have been taught to disconnect from their heart. The women, they disconnected from their sexual energy. So the men operate from the sexual activity. The women can't operate from this I love you. And then I'll use sex for maybe for you to love me. So they're not connected to their true authentic desires. And men will go just sexual activity, which also. It doesn't fill the void that they have. And women that they don't let themselves explore this energy which also caused that. That disconnection. And I also say even using that love or that emotional availability to get sex most of the time. What has women most that trauma happens more when they're being penetrated. When either the heart is not open or their body's not ready. You know, it's kind of like I'm married, so what can I do? I just have to have sex with him because he wants it. Otherwise he may go and put it somewhere else, you know? Or even for some people who maybe have been abused, they don't even know what orgasm is. They don't even know how it is to feel safe in your body. To allow that expression to come through, to allow that life force energy to flow through you, you know? And. And that's both our responsibilities as men and women. Because if you are a man and you are disconnected, to also be aware that my partner is not present and you're just thinking of, I just want to release. That's also. You not embody your king part. And even when I'm talking about this. This connection of the masculine, the feminine energy, honestly, I was. It's quite interesting. I was in a call earlier and I was doing some work on this. And at times you realize that actually this is like the important part. The part that came through is like the roman to God. And it's not coming through as the masculine is like man energy. It's more like the masculine energy that the man has to connect to for the men to fall safe. Embracing that empathy, embracing that romantic energy, embracing that soft power. And the women still, we need to connect with that masculine energy. It still has that warrior aspect, but it operates from nurturing and creating. And it also somehow decreases the man of wanting to take life. To understand that as a man, you can also be a natural when you're coming from that sacred masculine. Because for anyone to feel safe, whether it's your children or partner around you, it's a man who embodied this sacred masculinity. And also the big part is being embodied and feeling safe in your body. Because most people do the work, but they do the work when they are disconnected from the body. So it feels like anything and everything that I do doesn't work. But the key here is you are not even present to receive the codes that are coming through.
[00:51:19] Speaker B: So it sounds like you're actually helping people to get to the point of ultimate authenticity and pure presence.
[00:51:25] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:51:27] Speaker B: What advice would you give to someone looking to break free from their past and step into their power? I mean, is there any simple techniques that can be, like, employed by people just as first steps to even get there? I mean, one of the things you were talking about before is, like, identifying all the things that weren't you. And whether all the stories that society has laid upon us. Is that something that you would advise people as well?
[00:51:53] Speaker A: Yeah, and here's the thing, like with that, I just live by this.
The more you are not free, the more joyful. The more joyful you are not in, the more. I mean, the more you are not free, you are not free.
The less stressful you are in, the less loving you are. You know, for you to be able to laugh fully, you get to be free, you know? And that's the more you get to be joyful.
You get it? The more. The more. The more free you are, the more joyful you are in, the more loving you are. The. So that starts out saying, the first thing is, let's just do an audit. You know, let's start with a circle. Who are you more comfortable to be you around, starting with your relationship? Because when I'm talking about being, it's kind of like. Cause true intimacy happens when both parties are willing to be seen. So if at all you are willing and open for your partner to see you and they're not for fully open for you to see them or the other on, then there's no true intimacy. It's kind of like, am I honest? Fully. And honesty is more like sharing everything. My desire, my fantasy at times, even those dark secrets. I mean, I'm not saying, open up yourself to someone you don't trust because they can use that against you tomorrow. So it's more like, how open are you to dream big? How open are you to share without feeling like you are minimizing the other? Because even I. Let me say we're having a conversation right now. I'm just going to give an example with you and me. We are here and I'm your guest. You know, the level that you are. First thing, open minded and not. Because when it comes to communication, the first key of communication, even for us to hear what has been said, is being non judgmental. This is not spoken about.
Non judgmental is the key of communication. Because at times, people do not hear what is being said because they allow their beliefs to filter what is being said.
So I'm able to share my honest, brutal honesty here because of the space that you hold. And in a relationship, that's the key. How much are you. Maybe when somebody says something, it's kind of like, oh, I can't believe they're saying that, you know, judging what they say, not receptive or even wanting to push the other to align with your truth. Because for me, when you're talking about an extraordinary person who is fully embodied, is somebody who your truth can coexist with my truth, you know, and I get to choose, do I really want to continue being in your presence or not? But I'm not gonna make room of who you are. It's the same thing as when I fall in love with a person. I'm falling in love with the person at that present moment. I'm not saying that they cannot grow or not, but if I'm saying, yeah, he's a great person, but, you know, this is what I want, you know, if he can change, and that means I'm not in love with you. I'm a love. You have an idea of who you can be. So start by auditing your relationship. How open are you? Where do you feel more joyful to just be crazy and lift your leg and be silly? Love the crazy laughter, you know, it's like, just do an audit. I would say that's the beginning because you realize that some people are more open to be myself, where some people don't even know who the fuck I am. Because I get to pretend that I've got it together. You know, all this perfection, it's tight in the body, but when you are free, you relax and you breathe in your womb, you know, genitals, and you feel like, ah, it feels good to be here.
And then when you look at breath, even when you are pregnant, about to give birth, it's painful. But you rely on the breath because you are looking forward to the outcome. Whatever that you're giving birth to is the same creation energy. When we give him birth to our desires, you are afraid because you don't know what's next. But you flipping damn excited because, you know, whatever that is going to come through is going to be amazing. You are being penetrated by somebody, but they are holding you so flipping good. And you know that the breath is going to take you to that orgasmic, blissful moment where you have that temporary death.
[00:55:58] Speaker B: Wow.
Wow, that was awesome.
Oh, so, yeah, I know. That's why I'm going, wow.
[00:56:15] Speaker A: You know, it's just like that.
[00:56:17] Speaker B: You have a way of expressing it so openly and so clearly, right? And that's, that's why it's so powerful.
And I was going to, I was going to, actually, I had this question that I got down here, and it says, how do you measure success in your work and with your clients? And what outcomes do you aim to achieve with them? I think you just answered that. I mean, because if you can see that your clients are actually opening up and becoming more free and becoming more authentic and more honest in, even in their interactions with you, you know it's working, right?
[00:56:49] Speaker A: Absolutely. And it doesn't matter. You are a man, you are a woman. For me, it's kind of like you are that. And at times, because we don't relate with this energy on an individual level, we are afraid of expressing it. It's kind of like, okay, it's gonna lead into any other ideas, but when you embrace it and even just be open to share it, because I connect with people who may be like, I would say they're in the dark whether they went through deep sexual abuse. And I, for them, it's kind of like it's not even safe. I'm not gonna go there. And I've also worked with people who's kind of like, I've only been with one partner, and our sex life is good, our relationship is great. But then from there, it's kind of like I didn't even know. This kind of focus makes bliss exist. Like, one child was telling me that, I mean, I enjoy sex, but one thing that I always didn't like is that I felt like men always think with the third leg, like they always want sex. And then she said, but now I'm on heat, so my husband is in trouble.
Yeah. And at the same time, even like one lady that I worked with, she was not working for seven years. Seven flipping years. We did the work. When the twelve weeks was complete, she got invited into a job that instead of being employed, she didn't really want to be an employee, but she was kind of like let me go and see. They got her and gave her a contract as a consultant and they were paying her ninety k and she said not, not working for seven years, I wouldn't have never thought that I'll even get a contract of that, that amount. And I'm talking about last year, probably around June, July this time, and a few weeks ago she sent me a message and she said this work is crazy amazing. And she said my contract has been extended since then, even it like extended it until the end of this year. And she said it's, it's flipping amazing. My life with my children, with my sibling, with my husband is like, I'm alive and she's like, I wish a lot of people can do this. And for me, that's what I talk about, permanent shifts, not just uh, when it's just like temporary. And then it's like, yeah, fades away.
[00:59:00] Speaker B: Wow. Yeah. So Hal, we're coming to the end of the podcast, and I know that you want to light the fire up for a lot of other people in the world. How can they find you?
[00:59:15] Speaker A: I'm available in my.com and I'll share also a link with you, which I call orgasmic charity, so that you can book. And let's see, what is it that is interfering with that orgasmic, please. Success and freedom. So that's where you can find me. And in social media.
[00:59:36] Speaker B: That was totally amazing. And your passion and your authenticity in presenting your story and how you empower individuals, it's so enlightening and enlivening, you know, and I appreciate everything that you've shared, it's been amazing. Thank you so much, Hal.
[00:59:56] Speaker A: Thanks for having me. Wishing you all a wonderful, magical and orgasmic day, night, week, wherever you are.
[01:00:05] Speaker B: All right, I'll say goodbye to listeners. Thank you.
That was one of the shows that makes me go even more so well. I mean I talked to so many really good people and the way that how actually went over her story and how it helped me to even identify aspects of my own self that I haven't been authentic with. It was very enlightening. And, yeah, well, you heard. You heard. I'm sure you heard. If you come this far, it's, it's such a great episode and I hope you really enjoyed it. If you did, reach out to how and tell her directly and all the links for her in the show notes. And if you've liked today's episode and you're on YouTube, like and subscribe as I say. And also if you're on a podcast app, give us five stars so other people can hear these great conversations. And, you know, this is a value for value. If you really value today's show and you wish somebody else to hear it, just share it with one friend and that helps the show get to more ears. And until next episode, thank you very much listening. And it's bye for now.
